


A Place for Us

by emr_0725



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Eventual Romance, F/M, Mutual Pining, POV Peter Kavinsky, Romance, Romantic Angst, Romantic Comedy, Roommates, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:01:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26501077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emr_0725/pseuds/emr_0725
Summary: Peter and Lara Jean reconnect when they become roommates in college.____________________________On his way over, Peter tells himself that this is just a roommate house rules dinner.  It is definitely not a date, and if he were to go on a date with someone, it would not be Lara Jean Covey.  No matter how pretty she is, she is not his type.  There are plenty of girls out there.  He is not interested in Lara Jean at all.  He just wants to get to know her because they’ll be living together.He gets to the apartment and knocks on the door.  When she opens it, he tries not to gape at her....
Relationships: John Ambrose McClaren/Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 167
Kudos: 354





	1. And the dice was loaded from the start

**Author's Note:**

> I fell down the Covinsky college roommate AU rabbit hole. Here's my take. 
> 
> Please comment. I love hearing your thoughts!
> 
> _________________________
> 
> Title is based on the song Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits

Peter is desperate.He’s been living with friends in a house off-campus, but he cannot take the partying and late nights anymore.If he doesn’t get it together, he’ll be in jeopardy of losing his lacrosse scholarship.He’s found someone to take over his room at the house, but the guy wants to move in within the next two weeks.If Peter doesn’t find a new place soon, he’ll have to sleep on the house’s sofa, which has seen more than its share of puke and beer and who knows what else.

He combs the listings for rooms on the university site, and finds one that seems cheap enough and a good location for his classes and practice.He sends a message through the listing service and sets up a time on Friday to take a look. He’s hoping this will work out because there’s not much else available that would be as good a fit for him in terms of location and price.

On Friday, he heads over and knocks on the door.When it opens, he is surprised to see Lara Jean Covey.He knew they both went to UVA, but he hasn’t seen her once since starting school.

“Hey Covey,” he says, smiling.“Is this your apartment?”

“Hi!Are you the person looking for the room?Oh my god!This is crazy!” She exclaims and gives him a hug.

He’s a little surprised by the hug, but he likes the feeling of her small frame pressing into him, and as he gets a whiff of her shampoo, he pulls her in a little closer.After they part, he gets a look at her.

She’s still got style.Her hair is shorter than it used to be and it’s loose and shiny.She’s wearing skinny jeans and a flowing blouse that she has tucked in the front.She looks, well, she looks freaking _HOT_.He remembers always thinking that she was pretty, but man, she is gorgeous.

“Peter, I’m actually really relieved that it’s you.I was having second thoughts about listing the room so publicly and then choosing to meet here instead of a neutral place, so it’s so nice to see someone I know.Someone that’s normal and not crazy and not a murderer.”She’s rambling.“I couldn’t even sleep last night thinking some killer would want to be my roommate.I hope you like the room because I really need someone to split rent with me. Someone normal, that is.Liz, my last roommate left for study abroad in Australia.I should have started looking for someone sooner, but I’ve been so busy with school. But now I’m hating living alone-“

“Whoah, slow down!” Peter laughs.“Give me a tour.”

“Oh, yeah.So this is the living room and here’s the kitchen.And this is my room.We’ll have to share this bathroom, and this would be your room.What do you think?”

“It’s great.It seems fit for humans, so it’s a definite step up from where I’m living right now,” he grins.Lara Jean laughs.“So do you want it?Please take it!I know you won’t kill me in my sleep.”

“I see you have high standards.” He laughs.“Yeah, definitely, I’ll take it.When can I move in?”

“Whenever.”And she gives him a wide dimpled smile that makes his stomach flip a little.“Okay, just text me when you know when you want to move in?I’ll make sure to get you a key before then.”She starts walking towards the front door.

He’s not ready to say goodbye yet, and he’s a little disappointed that she’s behaving like the conversation is purely transactional. Peter gets a lot of attention from girls, and most of his interactions with girls are at least a little flirty. Her indifference to him is surprising and well, a little insulting.

“Shouldn’t we talk about house rules and all of that?We could meet for dinner if you have to go now.” _What?_

She seems completely oblivious.“Rules?Oh okay,” she furrows her brow.“I haven’t really thought about that.Sure, let’s do dinner.When?”She pulls out her phone.

“How about tonight?” _What??_

“Hmmm…. I have plans tonight that will probably run late _._ “How about tomorrow?”

He’s supposed to grab beers with Matt tomorrow and then there’s a party he’s supposed to go to with this girl from his communications class.But when he looks at her smiling face he says,

“Sure, can I come get you here at 7?” _What?!_

“Sounds good.”And she looks up at him from under her lashes and gives him a smile.He’s finding that he really likes looking at those lashes.

* * *

On Saturday, he gets ready way too early, and then uses the extra time to look on her Instagram.From the looks of it, she’s still into books and fashion and art and there are no pictures that indicate that she has a boyfriend.But maybe she doesn’t post about relationships?He could see her being more private about things like that.

On his way over, Peter tells himself that this is just a roommate house rules dinner.It is definitely not a date, and if he were to go on a date with someone, it would not be Lara Jean Covey.No matter how pretty she is, she is not his type.There are plenty of girls out there.He is not interested in Lara Jean at all.He just wants to get to know her because they’ll be living together.

He gets to the apartment and knocks on the door.When she opens it, he tries not to gape at her.She’s wearing a halter neck blouse that ties with a ribbon that falls down the back of her neck, and the shirt is tucked into loose fitting high waisted pants that nip at her waist.She’s putting on a short leather jacket, and she looks amazing.Her hair is pulled back from her face and he can’t stop staring at her red lips.

“Hey, how are you?” she smiles.

“Uh, good,” he stammers.

“What’s wrong?Do I have something on my face?” she asks, touching her cheek.

“No uh, no you’re good.”

“Where are we going?”

“How about sushi?”

“Perfect!” and she smiles again.

When they get to the car, he opens the door for her, and as he helps her get into the jeep, she feels so light and he’s pleased by how naturally she grasps his hand and accepts his help. 

They’re seated at the table, and after they order, Lara Jean looks at Peter playfully and says, “So, what are the house rules Peter Kavinsky?”

“You tell me, Covey.”

“Hmmm, I don’t really know.… I guess I would just say let me know if you’re planning on having people over so I’m not walking around in my pajamas, “ Peter blushes when she says this, and then she blushes and says “and maybe we should have a sign if we’re going to have someone overnight?” 

“What?Oh yeah, definitely.” _Hold up.Is there someone who spends the night?_

“I mean, just so we’re not interrupting or anything.”She’s embarrassed.“I’ll put a scrunchie on my doorknob so you know.You can use it too, for you."

“Sure. That makes sense,” and he smiles at her, trying to make her feel more comfortable.

“We can keep a list of things we both use and take turns buying.I did that with Liz.”

“Sounds good.”

“Great!Let me know if you think of anything else.”

They spend the rest of dinner catching up.Lara Jean is majoring in English and Peter is studying, or trying to study, pre-law.He tells her he needs to buckle down this semester to keep his scholarship.They catch each other up on what’s happening with their families and news from friends from home.Peter remembers how smart and kind she was, and he finds himself wishing he never lost touch with her.She would make a great friend.

“I wonder why we didn’t stay friends.”

“Huh, well I think we just have hugely different interests.You know, you are into lacrosse and parties and all that, and I don’t really spend time that way,” she says easily.

“I have interests other than sports and parties!”

“Oh I didn’t mean it as an insult!I’m sorry if it came out that way.I guess I just meant that we are drawn to different types of experiences or something.Not that we couldn’t be friends, just that a lot of times you get close to people that are kind of interested in some of the things you are,” she’s worried that she offended him.

“I get what you mean,” and he smiles at her, now flirting a little. “But we did share one common experience, you know - my first kiss!”

“Wait a minute, was I your first kiss? Gen told me she was.”

“No, that spin the bottle kiss was my first kiss ever.”

She laughs.“It was my first kiss, too.I used to get mad thinking I wasted my first kiss on you.”

“What?How was it a waste?Now I’m insulted,” he jokes.

“Just that I wanted my first kiss to mean something.Like to be with someone interested in me.I was pretty romantic,” she laughs again.

“Well, maybe I was interested,” he says, surprising himself.But now that he thinks about it, he remembers being kind of excited when the bottle landed on her.

“Uh, come on Peter, no you weren’t.Do you remember your girlfriend Gen?”

He shudders.“Don’t mention her.That ended a long time ago, really badly.”

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that,” she says sincerely.“You know, she used to be a good friend of mine, but she was really mean in high school.Something must have made her extremely unhappy.I felt bad for her.” 

He’s taken aback by her understanding of Gen.In fact, isn’t that one of the reasons he stayed with her for so long?Her unhappiness?He felt loyal to her because he knew why she behaved that way.Leave it to Lara Jean to break it down into one sentence. 

“Yeah, she had a lot going on.That’s nice that you could give her the benefit of the doubt.She certainly didn’t act like she deserved it all the time,” he said. 

Lara Jean just shrugs and says, “I’m lucky enough that the few close friends that I had in high school and my sisters always gave me the benefit of the doubt when I acted crazy.”And she laughs, “I mean, we all have our moments.”

They finish up and when he drives her back, she says he doesn’t have to walk her up when he turns off the ignition.“Covey, I’m not getting out to just walk you up. I’m making sure that I remember my way around this place.”

She smiles at him and says, “You’re still so sweet.I remember you being really sweet when you were little.I’m glad that we’re going to be roommates.Maybe this is the universe’s way of showing us that we can be friends again.”She links her arm through his, and he tries to ignore the next little flip in his stomach. He reminds himself again that he knows a lot of pretty girls as he wills himself to not smell her shampoo.


	2. You can fall for pretty strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Who the fuck is she and where have you been hiding her?” Matt’s eyes are wide.
> 
> “Stop ogling my roommate! Don’t get any ideas, man. Don’t mess around with her. She’s sweet.”
> 
> “Dude, I can tell she’s not a mess around type of girl. She’s hot and she seems cool. I’m going to ask her out. Can you ask her if you can give me her number?”
> 
> “Nope. Don’t even think about it. Come on, you’ve never been in a relationship for more than a few weeks.”
> 
> “Whatever, she’s hot. I’m going for it. And go get those cookies. I’m hungry.”
> 
> “Fuck you, they’re mine.”
> 
> “God, Kavinsky. I can’t talk to your roommate or eat cookies even after dragging all your shit through the rain?”
> 
> “Shut up and drink your beer.”
> 
> “What time do you think Lara Jean will be back?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment. I love hearing your thoughts!
> 
> ____________________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.

It’s raining on the day he moves in, and he’s glad he asked Matt to help him.Moving the bed and dresser in would have been impossible without him.After they’re done, they are exhausted, and they sit on the sofa with a couple of beers and turn on a game. 

“Oh hey, Peter!” Lara Jean walks in from the front door.“I didn’t know you’d be done so early.”

“Hey.Yeah I had a lot of help from this guy.This is my friend Matt, by the way.Matt, this is Lara Jean.”He looks over at Matt and sees his friend’s eyes roving over Lara Jean, who is wearing leggings and a long-sleeve t-shirt that accentuate her figure. Her hair is in a loose bun, and she has no make-up on. And as usual, she looks perfect.

“Hi, it’s good to meet you. Great place.” Matt gives her a big smile.He has always been popular with girls.He’s on the lacrosse team with Peter, and has an easy, friendly way about him. 

“Thanks,” she smiles back.

“I love that poster.Is it from the Women’s March?” _Is he for real?_

 _“_ It is!My sister Kitty carried that one, and I framed it because I love it and also because it reminds me of how incredible she is.I’m so impressed that you recognize it.”

“Well, I went to one in DC with my sister.”

Lara Jean looks at him with admiration.“That’s amazing!”

“I’ll have to show you some of the pictures.It was an inspiring experience.” _That fucker._

“I would love that.Well, I have to run to the library, but I’m sure I’ll see you around.Great meeting you.Peter, welcome home!I baked some cookies for you - they’re in the kitchen.I’ll see you later,” and she smiles and leaves.

“Who the fuck is she and where have you been hiding her?” Matt’s eyes are wide.

“Stop ogling my roommate!Don’t get any ideas, man.Don’t mess around with her.She’s sweet.”

“Dude, I can tell she’s not a mess around type of girl.She’s hot and she seems cool.I’m going to ask her out.Can you ask her if you can give me her number?”

“Nope.Don’t even think about it. Come on, you’ve never been in a relationship for more than a few weeks.”

“Whatever, she’s hot.I’m going for it. And go get those cookies.I’m hungry.”

“Fuck you, they’re mine.”

“God, Kavinsky.I can’t talk to your roommate or eat cookies even after dragging all your shit through the rain?”

“Shut up and drink your beer.”

“What time do you think Lara Jean will be back?”

“Shut up!”

“Wait a minute, are you into her?Don’t tell me you moved in with a girl you’re into!Dude, you’re supposed to move in with a girl _after_ you guys are together.This is a bad idea.What’s wrong with you?Half the girls from across the street have been on your tail.Is this why you won’t give anyone the time of day?”

“No,she’s an old friend.Just don’t want your slutiness to traumatize her and make it weird for me.”

“Ok whatever, Peter,” and he gives him a knowing look.“I’ll back off.”

“You can have a cookie.ONE cookie."

* * *

After Matt leaves, Peter starts unpacking.He finds his box of toiletries and heads to the bathroom to unpack them.He pushes open the door with the box, and then he sees Lara Jean, in her goddamn nude lace bra and panties, leaning over to turn on the shower.

“Oh god, I’m sorry.I didn’t know-“ he rushes out of the bathroom. He feels terrible for walking in, and he’s trying to distract himself from thinking about her insane body.Is that the type of underwear she always wears? Jesus!Who knew?He’s trying really hard to think about other non-Lara Jean Covey-related things that don’t turn him on, like midterms, when he hears a knock on the door.

“Hey Peter?” Her hair is wet and she’s wearing a short robe over pajama shorts. He’s a dead man. 

“I am so sorry.I had no idea you were in there.”

She laughs. “I know.You looked terrified!It was my fault. I’m so used to living alone that I didn’t shut the door all the way or lock it.Hey, it’s not a big deal.Look, we’re bound to have many embarrassing moments living together.Just forget about it.”

As if he could. 

“Okay, sorry again.I’ll be more careful.I’m not used to living with girls.”

“Seriously, don’t worry about it.What are you doing tonight?” 

“I’m just unpacking.Why?”

“I’ve had a long day so I was going to do a movie binge.If you get bored, feel free to join me.”

“Sounds good.”

Peter isn’t sure he can sit next to Lara Jean in her stupid hot robe and shorts after seeing her almost naked and keep it together.At the same time, having a night at home watching something mindless sounds nice.

When he goes into the living room he sees that she has a comically huge bowl of popcorn in her lap and a glass of wine.

“So are you planning on eating all that popcorn by yourself?”

“I probably could eat it all by myself, but I’m happy to share.Want some?”She smiles at him.

“Sure, but is that what you’re eating for dinner?”

“Oh my god, are you judging my diet?This is the dinner of champions!”She laughs.“Wait, are you on some sort of healthy athlete diet?Maybe you’ll be a good influence on me.I used to cook well-balanced meals when I took care of Kitty at home, but left to my own devices, this is what happens.”

“I train so much that I have to be a little health conscious or else I can’t really perform at the level that’s expected, but it’s a balance,” he says stuffing a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “I’m going to get a beer.Are you sure you don’t want anything else?I can order a salad or cut some fruits and vegetables or something.”

She snorts, “Don’t be a buzz kill.Get used this - Covey girl movie night tradition.The night always ends in junk food coma and catching romantic comedy feels.”

He laughs. “Okay, what are we binging?”

“We’re doing a Nora Ephron marathon.We’re starting with When Harry Met Sally and then we’ll see where the mood takes us.” She says, grinning at him, scooting over to make more room for him and putting the bowl of popcorn between them.

Talk about catching feels.

* * *

He must have nodded off. He can hear Sleepless in Seattle still on in the background. He looks over and sees that Lara Jean is asleep, too.They’re both leaning on opposite arms of the sofa, like bookends, and their legs are touching in the middle.He wants to avoid a potentially awkward morning, especially after the bathroom incident, so he tries to shift so he can get off the sofa without disturbing her.As soon as he moves, Lara Jean makes a petulant sound, and burrows further into the armrest, moving her legs directly on top of his.He sighs.Living here is going to be harder than he thought.

When he opens his eyes the next morning, Lara Jean is gone, and there’s a pillow under his head and a throw on top of him.He gets up and checks his phone.

Lara Jean: Hope you survived your first Covey girl movie night. Let me know if you need anything from the store.I’ll see you later.  
Peter smiles and writes back: I’m alive. Pick up some fruits and vegetables. You’re going to get scurvy.   
Lara Jean: Excuse me, we did finish that bottle of wine.I believe wine is made with fruit, Peter.   
Peter: …   
Peter: Will you be home for dinner?

_What is wrong with him?_

Lara Jean:Not tonight.I’ll probably see you late night or in the morning. 

Peter grimaces and tosses his phone down. He decides to head to the gym.


	3. Then you exploded into my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean drunk on tequila is something else.
> 
> She wants to play charades. She doesn’t realize that it’s pretty much impossible with two people, but she wants to so badly they play anyway. When it’s Peter’s turn she heckles him so much that he throws popcorn at her. And then she gets him back by dumping the bowl over his head (she has to stand on top of the sofa to reach), and then he picks her up and throws her on the sofa and tickles her. While he’s picking up the popcorn off the floor she surprises him and quickly draws a mustache on his face. Both of them end up laughing so hard they cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants some drunk LJ?  
> _______________
> 
> Thanks for reading! Your comments are amazing. I love hearing from you.  
> _______________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits

Peter and Lara Jean are spending a lot of time together, and he’s convinced himself that they are becoming good friends and he wants nothing more.

Movie night has become a weekly occurrence, and they have been taking turns selecting the binge theme.Lara Jean is hugely into romantic comedies and period pieces and foreign filmsand anything else that involves romance and/or beautiful costumes, and Peter has been going back and forth between action and bro comedies.They’ve taken to studying together and meeting for most of their meals, too, so most days, apart from classes and lacrosse, they are inseparable. 

Peter is loving their time together.Lara Jean is so different from anyone he knows.Her thoughts and interests are so compelling, and he finds himself challenged by their conversations.She’s also kind and considerate, making living together easy and carefree. They always have fun, and Peter finds himself preferring spending time with her at home or coffee shops over going to parties or bars.

They’re studying one night in the library, and Peter glances at her.Her eyes look sad, and they are rimmed in red.

“Hey, is something wrong?” he asks.

“No, I”m fine,” she says, but he hears a sniffle.

“Do you want to take a walk or something?”

She doesn’t answer, but she stands up.

After they get outside, Peter asks, “Why are you sad?Did something happen?”

She starts crying hard, and Peter is at a loss. 

“Do you remember John Ambrose McClaren?He used to go to school with us before he moved away.”Peter nods. “Anyway, we’ve been together for a while, and six months ago he broke up with me because the distance has been so hard, and -“ She starts crying harder.“And I just found out that he’s been seeing someone else.”

He puts his arm around her.“Hey, I’m sorry.Look, he’s an idiot if he didn’t try to make it work with you.I’m sorry.Hey, don’t cry.”She looks so sad and almost childlike and helpless.Peter gets irrationally angry.What kind of asshole would hurt her like this?She cries into his chest and then pulls away and says, “I’m sorry.I’m tired and that makes everything worse.I think I’m just going to go home.Thanks for being so sweet.”

“Here, wait, I’ll go with you.I was finishing up anyway.”

They start walking silently back to the apartment, and Peter asks,“Do you want ice cream?”

“Yes, and tequila.”Peter’s jaw drops.“Um, okay, are you sure?You can’t really tolerate anything other than like a glass and a half of wine on a full stomach and that’s over the course of three hours.”

She sighs.“Peter, I’m so sad.I just want to get wasted and escape and pass out.”

“Okay, can we get something other than ice cream to go with the tequila?Because that combination makes me feel like puking right now.”

She finally gives him a watery smile, and he puts his arm around her and says,“See, I bet everyone from high school would think I’d be the bad influence on you, but it’s the other way around.Tequila on a Wednesday night!Good god, Covey.”His heart soars when she laughs.

* * *

Lara Jean drunk on tequila is something else.

She wants to play charades. She doesn’t realize that it’s pretty much impossible with two people, but she wants to so badly they play anyway.When it’s Peter’s turn she heckles him so much that he throws popcorn at her.And then she gets him back by dumping the bowl over his head (she has to stand on top of the sofa to reach), and then he picks her up and throws her on the sofa and tickles her. While he’s picking up the popcorn off the floor she surprises him and quickly draws a mustache on his face.Both of them end up laughing so hard they cry.

She then wants to try Tik Tok dances and that turns out to be a disaster because she gets super competitive even though they are both horrible at it.Peter laughs hysterically when she falls down attempting a move.

After Tik Tok, she gets melancholy and insists on listening to a depressing Bon Iver album and looks up all the lyrics and makes Peter sing the falsetto parts.Of course he does it badly, and she heckles him some more, and he threatens to go to sleep if she doesn’t act nicer.

They can’t stop laughing.

He can’t believe this girl. 

* * *

Eventually she quiets down, and he can tell she’s getting tired.She is so drunk she can barely walk.

“Do you need to throw up?”

“Maybe.”

“Do you want me to hold your hair?”

“No.But can you tie it up?”

“Sure.”She hands him a hair tie and he does his best.

“Thanks, Peter.”

She stumbles into the bathroom and he waits for her outside the door. 

“I’m all done.I’m going to brush my teeth now.”

“Okay, here’s some water.”

“I can’t get the toothpaste on.”

“Here I’ll do it.Okay, open up.Done.Rinse out.”

“I need to lie down.”He helps her into her bed.

After he brushes his teeth and scrubs off the mustache, he looks in her room.

“You okay?” 

“Not really, “ and she starts to cry again.“Why doesn’t he want me anymore?”She looks so sad. 

He goes and sits next to her on the bed and rubs her back.“I’m sorry.”

“Can you just stay with me until I fall asleep?”

“Sure.Sleep on your side, not your back.” And she gets on her side, and Peter spoons her, rubbing her arm.When her breathing gets steady, he slips out of her room.

* * *

Hungover Lara Jean is a grumpy mess.When Peter looks in on her in the morning, her hair is tangled, she has sheet marks on her face, and she can barely say two words coherently.She scowls and grunts, and Peter doesn’t think he has ever seen anything more adorable.

“Want breakfast?”

“Mmmmpff…Too loud.”

“I’ll make you something.Green juice?”

“Blech.”

“Hashbrowns and eggs?”

“Yes, please.Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.You’re the best.”

“You’re welcome.You’re the best, too.”His eyes are soft. 

After she eats, Peter has to run to practice.He can tell that she doesn’t want to be alone.“Hey, are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah.I just need to pull it together.”She’s teary again.

“I have class after practice.I’ll see you for lunch okay?Text me where you want to meet. Get dressed and get out of the house.You’ll feel better.”

“Okay, I’ll try.”Before he realizes what he’s doing, he brushes his lips on her forehead.She doesn’t even blink an eye.“Chin up, Covey.”


	4. It was just the time that was wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is about the same height as Peter and has sandy hair and blue eyes. He’s wearing a flannel and distressed jeans, and Peter would bet anything that he went to boarding school. His clothes look expensive but uncared for, and he has that whole prep school look about him. Peter hates him instantly.
> 
> “Hey, I’m Peter.”
> 
> “Hi, so you’re the lucky guy that gets to live with Lara Jean. How do you put up with her messiness?”
> 
> Lara Jean laughs. “Shut up! I try to confine my messiness to my room.”
> 
> “You know I’m just joking. The awesome baked goods more than makes up for you being such a pigpen.” And he puts his arm around her shoulder.
> 
> Who the fuck is this guy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants jealous Peter?  
> ______________________
> 
> Thanks for continuing to read. Your comments make me so happy! Please drop a line and let me know your thoughts.  
> ______________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits

Lara Jean is still not herself, and Peter wants to kick McClaren’s ass.She is mopey and has no energy, and she doesn’t want to do anything social.Peter basically has to drag her out of the apartment for anything other than classes. 

After a lot of cajoling, he convinces her to go to a Halloween party thrown by his old housemates.She finally gets a little excited when thinking about costumes.“I think we should go as some kind of funny roommate duo, like the Odd Couple or something.We still have a week.We can make it really good.”

“Ugh, can we do something that people in our generation would actually get?”He’s secretly thrilled she wants to do a couple’s costume with him.

“Oh come on, how about Mork and Mindy?That would be hilarious!” 

“Who is that?” Peter groans when he looks it up on his phone.“I can’t think of any good roommate options.How about we just do a couple?”

“Oh I know one. Lucy Liu and Johnny Lee Miller from Elementary!She’s Asian so that will work perfectly for me.Sherlock and Watson!”

Peter knows that show.“Ok, let’s do it.”

* * *

They have a long weekend before Halloween, and Lara Jean tells Peter she’s going to stay at school because she needs to work on a paper.Peter is going home, but he feels bad leaving her because she’s been so out of sorts.

He leaves on Friday after classes but after spending the night at home, he decides to come back and check in on her.He brings mocha sugar donuts from the bakery near Adler and picks up her favorite ice cream on the way to the apartment. 

When he lets himself in, he hears her talking with someone in the kitchen.He makes his way there, and sees her with some guy. 

“Peter!” she comes over to hug him.“What are you doing back so soon?”

“I forgot some of my books,” he lies.

“This is Finn.”

Finn is about the same height as Peter and has sandy hair and blue eyes.He’s wearing a flannel and distressed jeans, and Peter would bet anything that he went to boarding school.His clothes look expensive but uncared for, and he has that whole prep school look about him.Peter hates him instantly.

“Hey, I’m Peter.”

“Hi, so you’re the lucky guy that gets to live with Lara Jean.How do you put up with her messiness?”

Lara Jean laughs.“Shut up!I try to confine my messiness to my room.”

“You know I’m just joking.The awesome baked goods more than makes up for you being such a pigpen.” And he puts his arm around her shoulder.

_Who the fuck is this guy?_

“Hey, LJ we should get going to the movie if you want to make it in time.”

“Oh you’re right! Bye, Peter,” and she gives him a hug.“Are you leaving right away?”

“No, I’m going to stay for a bit now that I’m here.”

“Okay, maybe I’ll see you later then.”She smiles brightly at him and leaves.

He’s pissed at himself for being bothered by Finn.He doesn’t even want to be with Lara Jean.Why the fuck does he care?

Peter texts Matt: Hey do you know Ali’s number?  
Matt: Are you back in the saddle? Here’s her contact.   
Matt:Are you done thirsting over your roommate?If so, I’m interested.   
Peter: Fuck you.

Peter: Long time no talk.You around?   
Ali: Always.   
Peter: Let’s hang out.   
Ali: What time?

When Lara Jean comes home, she finds her scrunchie on his doorknob.

* * *

When Peter wakes up, Ali’s already out in the kitchen. 

“Hey sweetie,” she says.She’s in his shirt.

“Hey.” _What was he thinking?_

“Good morning,” Lara Jean is smiling,coming into the kitchen.“Hey, I’m Lara Jean, Peter’s roommate.”

Ali gives her a long look, and goes over to Peter and sits purposefully on his lap.He sees her giving Lara Jean side eye.

“I made some coffee, you guys.Help yourselves.Ali, here’s cream and sugar if you take it.” _God, could she be any sweeter?_ “Hey Peter, I’m actually going to go home after all.The apartment is all yours.”She looks at him, waiting until he makes eye contact and smiles again. He can tell she’s trying to let him know everything’s okay _._ He feels a rush of affection for her. 

“How are you getting home?”He knows she doesn’t keep a car on campus.

“I’m taking Jenna’s car.”

“Are you sure?You hate driving.I can take you.”

“She’ll be fine, right Lara Jean?”Ali interrupts.

“Oh yeah, definitely fine.You guys have a great weekend.”

He doesn’t think he’s imagining something behind her smile.“Hey, Lara Jean.Wait up!I’ll bring your bag down for you.”He follows her down the hall.

In her room, she whispers “Hey, what are you doing?You’re going to make Ali feel bad.”

“Don’t worry about her.”

She turns and starts rummaging through her stuff.“Look I still need to get some stuff together.Please don’t wait for me.I can get my bag down myself.”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course Peter.I’m sorry if I’m acting weird.I guess I was just kind of surprised last night.I was looking forward to hanging out with you.”She smiles and shrugs, and he feels deflated.“I just got used to hanging out all the time.But of course you have your own life and your own, uh, interests.I’m totally okay with that.I want you to be happy.You know that right?”

“I know that,” he says softly.“Me too.” 

“I know. Okay, I’ll see you in a few days okay?”

“Okay.”

He pulls her in for a hug and feels her sigh against him before she pulls away.

* * *

Things are a little awkward between them when Lara Jean gets back from break.She’s still pleasant and friendly, but she’s been spending most of her time at home in her room.He thinks she’s avoiding him.

On Saturday, he hears someone knocking at the door, and when he opens it, he sees Finn with another guy. “Hey guys, come on in.Lara Jean is in the shower, I think.”He’s brusque.

“Seth, this is Peter, Lara Jean’s roommate.Peter, this is Seth, my boyfriend.”

Peter grins, suddenly happy.“Hey, nice to meet you. Grab a seat.”And he sits down with them in the living room.

“Hi guys!” Lara Jean is smiling at them.“Sorry I took so long getting ready.” She’s wearing a long fitted rust colored sweater that is shaped into a deep V down her back and little slits at the sides, with textured black leggings and tall boots.She has something black and lacy, peeking out of the neckline. _What is with her and her damn lingerie?_ She’s gorgeous and fall-looking and Peter can’t stop looking at her.“Peter, we’re going to brunch,Want to come?It’s our annual bloody mary fest!” 

“Meaning you’ll finish half of one and pass out?” Finn laughs. 

“Hey, I’ve worked up a pretty good tolerance after my latest John Ambrose depression.Ask Peter,” she laughs.

“Look at you today!You are the cutest sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Finn pinches her cheeks and she giggles.“Peter how can you even take her adorableness?”

“Huh?” He’s still looking at her.

Finn snorts.

Peter joins them for brunch, and it gets pretty raucous.Lara Jean is starting to get animated as she, Finn and Seth get into a spirited argument about what season of Queer Eye was the best. Then Finn and Seth get into a hilarious competition singing and rapping songs from Hamilton.They are all laughing so hard the other diners are looking at them.

“Hey, you guys look!” Lara Jean shoves her empty glass toward the middle of the table after they pay the check.“I finished it!”She is ridiculously proud of herself.As she gets up from her chair, she looses her footing, and falls onto Peter’s lap.“Whoah, easy there.Are you okay?” he asks her gently, putting his hands on her waist.Her back is warm against his chest, and her cheek brushes his as she struggles to balance.He steels himself to not react to the contact. 

“Looks like that tolerance is really working for you, Lara Jean!” Finn smirks. 

“Shut up!”She laughs and gets up, holding onto Peter’s shoulder to steady herself.

As they walk out of the restaurant and say their goodbyes to Finn and Seth, Peter notices that Lara Jean is swaying a little.

“Hey, are you okay to walk home?Want me to get an Uber?”

“No I want to walk.It’s beautiful outside.”

When they start walking, she looks at him, “Peter, I don’t want things to be weird between us.”She’s still tipsy and it’s causing her to be more talkative, more outspoken. 

“They’re not going to be.”

“You should feel like you can bring Ali over any time.I don’t mind making myself scarce when she comes.”

“Covey, it’s not like that between us.She’s never coming over again.”

“Ok, but if it gets to that point-”

“It never will.Have you been avoiding hanging out in the apartment because you think I’ll bring her home?”

She laughs.“Kind of!I could tell she didn’t really want me around.I mean, I get it.I think I made things awkward.I’ve never done the whole hook up thing myself, so…”She shrugs.

“What?Why did you even bring up the scrunchie system then? 

“Huh?Oh well, that was when I was having hopes that John Ambrose would want me back.He used to come stay. It was wishful thinking. I know that’s a lost cause now.” She’s rueful, and her eyes look sad.

“God, do you still want to be with him?Why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with _you_?You’re amazing.He’s a dumb ass.”

She laughs and hugs his arm a little.“Thanks!No, I’m really trying to get over it.I’m going to start dating again.”

“You are?How are you planning to go about that?”His eyes are wide.

“Well, just say yes when a guy asks me out, I guess.I’m no expert, but that sounds like the easiest approach.” She shrugs.

Of course, she probably gets asked out all of the time.Peter starts to feel gloomy about the prospect of her dating, and he checks himself.They’re friends.

“You know, on second thought, maybe I should try the whole hook up thing.That might be a good distraction.”

 _“What?”_ His mouth is open.

“How do I even get started with that?Like how do I know if a guy just wants to hook up instead of date?I’ve only dated.”

“Um, I don’t know.I guess he won’t ask you out on a date if he just wants to hook up.You just start making out at a party or something and it just goes from there.”

“Ok, and what should I do to initiate?”

Peter thinks about how girls have initiated with him, and he does not want to think about Lara Jean in that situation.

“Uh, why don’t you ask one of your girlfriends?They’ll know better.”

“Oh, okay.Do you know of any parties coming up?Wait, we’re still going to the Halloween one, right?Maybe I’ll try it there.”She’s thoughtful.“You know, there is something kind of thrilling about getting lost in physical chemistry with no emotional baggage.I bet it could be really intoxicating.I’m going to try it.”

He’s speechless.He needs this conversation to end.

He hears her calling for him. “Hey Peter, can you slow down?My feet are killing me in these stupid boots.They’re new.” He looks behind him, and there she is, all tiny and beautiful, the sun hitting her hair, making the silky strands shine.

“Covey, why do I even put up with you?” Shaking his head and grinning, Peter jogs over and picks her up bridal style and she starts laughing, her hair tickling his face as they make their way to their building.


	5. A lovestruck Romeo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He laughs and when she gets closer to him, he holds his breath a little. They start dancing, and after a couple of minutes, she tiptoes and brings her mouth close to his ear. He can feel her warm breath, and it’s giving him a tingle up his spine. Then she says, “Do you think Matt would want to hook up with me?”
> 
> He pulls back a little and answers quickly, “I think he’s seeing someone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LJ's on the prowl.
> 
> _________________
> 
> Thanks so much for reading. Your comments are wonderful. Please comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> _________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.

It’s the day of the Halloween party, and Peter is waiting for Lara Jean to finish up getting ready.

She comes out of her room, and Peter’s eyes get big. 

She’s wearing a gray fitted suit with a white collared button down and a skinny tie with a tie pin, with sky-high heels, her hair is slicked back.He guesses the look is supposed to make her look masculine, but she is so sexy that Peter can’t think straight.

“I wanted to wear something that represented what she wore when she was a detective, not Sherlock’s student anymore.Plus, I don’t like doing the Halloween sexy college girl costume thing.”

If she only knew.

“Uh, yeah, um, okay.You look great.”He tries to look away.

“Thanks!You look great, too.”

When they get to the party, the music is loud and a bunch of his old housemates approach Peter.“Where have you been, man?It’s been forever! Oh…hi…” Their eyes slide over to Lara Jean, and they’re giving her admiring glances.Then some girls that live next door to his old house come over and start flirting.Lara Jean smiles at him and says, “I’ll find you later,” and disappears into the crowd. 

After he breaks free of the group, he spots her talking to Matt by the bar.They’re laughing and he sees her touch his arm and look up at him, and he strides over to them.“Hey man, what’s up?” giving Matt a friendly smile.And then he says, “Covey let’s dance!”She looks surprised, but she lets him lead her to the dance floor. He glares at Matt above her head, and Matt grins, lifting his hands up and shrugging.

“Hey, are you okay?”She looks concerned.

“Yeah, I just want to dance.”

“Peter, there are plenty of girls that want to dance with you.I just saw Ali, too.You don’t have to babysit me all night.I’ll be okay.”

“Can’t I dance with my Watson?We’re partners - we need to stick together.”

Then she laughs and when she gets closer to him, he holds his breath a little.They start dancing, and after a couple of minutes, she tiptoes and brings her mouth close to his ear.He can feel her warm breath, and it’s giving him a tingle up his spine.Then she says, “Do you think Matt would want to hook up with me?”

He pulls back a little and answers quickly, “I think he’s seeing someone.”

“Oh really?”She looks disappointed.“God, I’m bad at this.”

 _What is he doing?_ He smiles at her and says,“Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t really remember.Come on, I love this song.Let’s stop talking about who you’re going to land tonight and have fun and dance.Damn Covey, you’re a player!”

She laughs loudly at that and they keep dancing until Ali comes and pulls on Peter’s arm. 

Lara Jean smiles at her and says, “Hey Ali, good to see you.I’m going to go get a drink.See you guys later.”

“I was hoping you’d come,” Ali coos.

“Hey, Ali, you know I always have fun with you, but I can’t do this anymore.I have to concentrate on school.”He’s kind but firm.He needs to end this, and he wants to do it as quickly as possible. 

“Um okay.You look like you’re really concentrating on school when you’re with your roommate,” she snaps and then she stalks off.

He looks around for Lara Jean and when he finally spots her, she’s tucked into a corner of the room.Some guy’s hands are stroking her hair and he leans down and kisses her.Her hands are on his neck.

Peter’s fists clench as he walks over.

* * *

“Hey, Lara Jean, do you want to get going?” he asks, looking at her.

“What?Is it late?”

“I’ll get her back home,” says the guy. Peter doesn’t look at him.

He knows he has no reason to feel so possessive, but he can’t stop himself.He’s feeling the blood surge through his body, and he is determined to not leave without Lara Jean. 

“Lara Jean, do you want to go?” Peter asks her again, making eye contact with her.

“Oh, um, I guess so.”

“Come on, let’s go get your jacket.” He smiles at her, not dropping his gaze.

“Wait, can I get your number?”

Peter takes Lara Jean’s shoulder and guides her to the coats before she can answer.They find her jacket and head out into the cold night.

“Peter, what was that?”

“What?” He’s innocent.

“Hey, I can talk to guys.You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Lara Jean, you don’t even know that guy!He could be an asshole.He could pressure you and make you do stuff you don’t really want to do and treat you like shit.”

“We were just talking.” _And kissing…_ “You know I’m trying to branch out and not be stuck in the John Ambrose rut.”

“Okay, I’m sorry.I just don’t want you to be in an unsafe situation.You’re so trusting.You don’t know how bad it can be.”

She sighs.“You know, I think you forget that I did make it to the age of 21 without your intervention.I think I’m pretty level-headed and risk adverse.We were at a party with lots of people.I wasn’t going to go somewhere alone with him.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”He means it.

She smiles at him and says, “You can make it up to me by watching Downton Abbey with me tonight even though it’s your turn to pick.”

Peter laughs and throws an arm around her.“Fine with me.No pausing to point out the clothes, though.Last time it took two hours to get through one episode.”

He’s just protecting her. 

* * *

Lara Jean is making Peter crazy.Now that she has decided to pursue hook ups, Peter can’t stop wondering what she’s up to and who she’s with.He checks her doorknob often, hoping there will be no scrunchie on it.

He tries to make as many plans with her as he can so she doesn’t have time for anything else.He hates thinking about that guy at the party touching her and kissing her. 

He tells himself that he’s so worked up about everything because he doesn’t want her to get hurt.

She is also killing him because the heat is broken in their apartment and it’s so damn hot all the time that she is pretty much living in her damn pajama shorts and camisoles with her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun.She looks like she could be in some kind of boudoir themed calendar or something.He’s sexually frustrated, and she’s not making life any easier.

Even though he’s not interested in her, he’s a warm blooded 21-year-old who can recognize that his roommate is stupid hot.

He’s also annoyed because Matt ran into Lara Jean at the bookstore and they spent the afternoon talking about dumb books over coffee.He knows Matt won’t make a move without his go ahead, but Peter hates that they are attracted to each other.

“Hey Peter?I’m making a list for the grocery store.Do you need anything?” Lara Jean pops her head in his room.

“Just bananas for my protein shake.”

“Okay.Do you know if Mattie is coming to game night on Friday?” _Mattie?_

“Uh, Mattie?”

She giggles.“He told me that’s what everyone called him that when he was little, so I started calling him that as a joke and it stuck.It’s so cute, right?”

“Are you guys hanging out?”

“No, not really.We just text sometimes.Did you know he’s super smart?He’s really well read!He just sent me a review about Mary Oliver’s autobiographical essays.” _Wonderful. Thanks Mattie._

 _“_ Are you sure we should even have game night?It’s so hot and it’ll feel worse with all these people.”

“It was your idea!You persuaded me that we needed to do it.I’m fine canceling.”

He can’t win for losing.Game night was one of his ideas to keep her occupied so she wouldn’t go on the prowl.But now that “Mattie” might be coming, it sounds like this might be a bad idea.

“You know what?I’d actually be in favor of canceling.A guy from my Lit class asked me to go with him to some book reading.I wanted to go but didn’t accept because of game night.I was thinking he could have hook up potential.I’m pretty sure we have physical chemistry, but I’m-”

Peter interrupts, “Game night is on.Let’s just open all the windows if the heat doesn’t get fixed by then.”

“Okay, maybe we can have fun with the theme because it’s so hot in here.Like a beach theme or something?”

He does not want to go there at all.Bikinis and skin are not going to happen in this apartment.“No extra theme.The theme is games.”

“Are you grumpy?”She steps in the room and gets closer. _She’s wearing another pair of those goddamn shorts!_

“What?No,”

“You’re being short.Did I do something?I’m sorry that I left the kitchen a mess yesterday.I was in a rush.I tried to clean it all when I came home.”

“Come on!You know I don’t care about that.No, I’m just tired I guess.”

“Are you getting sick?”She comes even closer and peers at him.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You look tense.Here, get in bed.I got this aromatherapy stuff that’s amazing.Margot sent it to me.Just lie down.I’ll be right back.”

Peter groans inwardly and lies down. 

When she returns, she has a little bottle and a towel.“Here,” and she puts a cold compress on his forehead.And then she leans over him, and he can see her cleavage and feel her breath.She dabs something that smells amazing on his temples with her fingers and then rubs a little.“Okay, just rest here,” she says, looking concerned.“I’ll come check on you when I get back.”

He needs a cold shower.

* * *

It’s game night, and the crowd is rowdier than he expected.Finn and Seth come early with jello shots.Lara Jean’s friends Keri and Daisy from yoga arrive at the same time as Joe, one of Peter’s lacrosse teammates, arrives with Matt.

Chris, who is at home visiting, comes down for the night as well.

It is so hot in the apartment even though they have all the windows open and the fans going. Lara Jean, rebelling against Peter’s beach theme veto, made a batch of frozen pina coladas and pitchers of margaritas.She even bought little umbrellas to put in the cups and made all sorts of boozy popsicles with chunks of fruit in them.She baked little beach ball cake pops and threaded pieces of pineapple and watermelon onto little skewers.Peter feels bad that she went to all this effort.She probably didn’t ask for his help because he was being such a shit about the beach theme.

She comes out of her room wearing a cherry print halter sundress that is showing off her shoulders and legs.Peter makes it a point to look away from her as much as possible. _Where does she even get these clothes?_

After a few loud rounds of Cards Against Humanity and a competitive game of Heads Up, everyone is drunk.

Chris says, “Hey LJ,remember that game of spin the bottle where Gen almost killed you because you and Peter kissed?”

Lara Jean laughs.“I will never forget it.My first kiss and also my first experience with extreme fear.”

“It’s funny that you guys randomly ended up as roommates.”

“Yeah, totally.I was so afraid that I’d end up with some murderer, but I really lucked out with Peter.”She smiles at him.

He looks at her and smiles back. “Yeah, I lucked out, too.”

Chris looks at them and raises her eyebrows.“LJ, who is the guy you want to pop your hook up cherry?”

“Yuck, Chris, that sounds gross.” Lara Jean wrinkles her nose.“He’s over there.Did you meet Mattie?”

“Oh that guy?He’s hot.He’s been looking at you tonight.”

“Really?I don’t think so.”

“LJ, you have to own your hotness.He’s interested.Most guys are.Trust me.Right, PK?”She gives him a pointed look.

“I’m going out to get more ice,” Peter says abruptly.He goes and finds Matt.“Can you help me get some ice?”

“Sure.”

The cool air feels good after being the stuffy apartment.

Matt looks at Peter and says, “Hey I would never go after a girl you’re into, you know that.But man, you have to at least admit to yourself that you are into her.If you can’t even admit it, is it fair to try to ruin all her chances with everyone else?”

“She’s really sweet, Peter.And she’s beautiful.A lot of guys are going to be interested in her.Even Joe was talking about her.”

Peter sighs.“I just want to keep it friends.”

Matt laughs, “Dude are you sure about that?It was doomed from the beginning.You haven’t been the same since you started talking to her.”

“She’s not really my type.”

“What the fuck is your type? She’s smart and gorgeous.She’s a nice girl.You don’t think you like those things?Because I think it’s pretty obvious that you do.You’re trying to convince yourself you don’t want her, but everyone can see that you do.You don’t even look at anyone else. You’re going to run out of time.You have my word that I won’t do anything without your go ahead, but at some point, someone else will.And honestly Peter, I still want to pursue something, so if you’re not going to, you have to let me know.”

When they get back to the apartment, he sees a scrunchie on Lara Jean’s bedroom doorknob.


	6. I can’t do the talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s pissed at himself. He’s been trying so hard to prevent this from happening, and he can’t deal with thinking that someone is in there with Lara Jean. With that fucking sundress! And he can’t stop thinking about what Matt said. It’s true, who is he kidding? All he can think about is Lara Jean. He was a dumb ass and now she’s already with someone else.
> 
> He turns around and bumps into someone.
> 
> It’s Lara Jean, coming out of the bathroom. 
> 
> “Who’s waiting for you in there?” He’s staring at her and his voice is low.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet PK is back.  
> _________________
> 
> Your comments bring me so much joy! Please let me know your thoughts. I love hearing from you.  
> _________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits

_Fuck._ He’s pissed at himself. He’s been trying so hard to prevent this from happening, and he can’t deal with thinking that someone is in there with Lara Jean.With that fucking sundress!And he can’t stop thinking about what Matt said.It’s true, who is he kidding? All he can think about is Lara Jean.He was a dumb ass and now she’s already with someone else.

He turns around and bumps into someone.

It’s Lara Jean, coming out of the bathroom. 

“Who’s waiting for you in there?” He’s staring at her and his voice is low. 

“It’s Jake, that guy from my lit class.He came while you were out.”

 _Fuck it. “_ Lara Jean,” he takes deep breath and is about to tell her everything, but he looks at her and stops.She’s pale and her eyes are wide.Her hands are shaking a little.She’s scared.

“Hey, what’s going on?Are you okay?”He puts his hands on her shoulders and looks in her eyes. 

“I just don’t know if I can do this.I went to the bathroom to stall,” she whispers.

“Lara Jean, whatever you want is okay.Just do what you want.He’s the luckiest guy in the world to be in that room right now.It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do tonight.Whatever you want is perfect, okay?” 

“Okay,” she gives him a little smile.

“Promise me you’ll do what you want," he says softly and tries to smile at her.

“Okay,” her voice breaks. 

He puts his earbuds in and throws himself on the bed.He tries to think about anything else and finally falls asleep.

“Peter?”He opens his eyes, and Lara Jean has tears in her eyes. He sits up.“What the fuck happened?Where is he?”

“No, I uh I couldn’t.” She’s crying now.“I guess I’m not ready.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay.Here,” He wipes her tears away with his hands and then puts his arm around her shoulders.“Don’t cry, it’s okay.”

He wakes up at some point to the sound of rain and Lara Jean is curled into his side and his arm is holding her close.He tugs the comforter over them, pulls her as close as he can, and goes back to sleep.

* * *

They spend most of the day cleaning their apartment that’s trashed from the party.Someone left popsicles on the sofa, and it’s a gross smelly mess.They do their best cleaning it, but now it’s completely drenched.

That night, they are sitting on his bed watching _The Office_ when her phone buzzes.She looks at it and frowns.

“What is it?”

“Oh it’s just Jake.”

“Why do you look upset?Is he being a dick?” He scowls.

“No, he just wanted to see how I was doing.He’s sweet.” She winces.“But you know, I think I was fooling myself into thinking I could do this.I’m so awful at this.”

She looks so downcast and Peter feels guilty.

“Hey, don’t doubt yourself.You have to know everyone wants to be with you.”

“What?"

“Come on, no one can stop looking at you.” 

She looks incredulous.

“It’s true.And I’m sorry I’ve been acting like an asshole lately. I didn’t even help you with the party.Ever since you told me you want to start hooking up, it’s been making me overprotective and jealous. I even told you Matt is seeing someone on Halloween but he’s not.I’m really sorry.”

“Oh.” Lara Jean is surprised.“You _were_ pretty territorial at that party.I chalked it up to alpha male stupidity.I guess I was right.”

Peter chuckles.“That was a big part of it.I’m sorry.” He’s earnest and looking at her eyes.

“It’s okay.Last night made it apparent that I’m not ready for anything anyway.”

And then she laughs and says, “Don’t interfere with my game again, Peter!”

Peter bursts out laughing.“See you really are such a player.”

* * *

It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and Peter is driving them home. 

Lara Jean puts on a playlist.She’s looking at her phone and then sighs as puts it down.

“What?"

“It’s John Ambrose.He’s posting all these pictures of him and his girlfriend on Instagram.”She sighs again and looks out the window.

“Why don’t you just use me?” _What?_

“What?”

“Just post pictures of us together, or let him know we’re dating somehow.” _Can he be any more desperate?Jesus!_

“Well, I don’t want to lie, and besides, it would be kind of unbelievable.”

“What?Why?”

“Just because you’re you and I’m me.”

“What does that mean?” He replies, stung.

“I’m not really your type, and you’re not really mine.” 

“Hmmm, so what’s my type?”

“You know, blonde and stunning with a mean streak?”She giggles.

“Oh and yours is broody, bookish, and carelessness?”He winces at his words.

She gets quiet.“Yeah, I guess, unfortunately.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s okay.It’s true.”Her voice catches. “You know, I wish I could be more indifferent to him.I really do try.”

“I know.Hey, I’m really sorry.”He hates himself for hurting her.

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“No, I do.I hate hurting your feelings.I’m just being a dick.”

“Peter, stop.You’ve been taking care of me since you moved in.You know you’re like my favorite person, right?” She smiles at him. _This girl.Who is he kidding?_

He smiles.“You’re mine, too.Want to get some mocha sugar donuts on the way home?”

“Yes please.”

“Peter?”

“Yeah?”

“Am I going to see you this weekend?” 

“I’ll come get you on Friday.We’ll go to a movie or something, okay?I’ll drop by on Saturday, too.”

She looks relieved.Peter smiles at her. 

“When do you want to go back to school?”

“Whenever.You tell me, Covey.”

* * *

When they get back to the apartment, the heat is still broken but now the apartment is freezing.The landlord gives them space heaters to use while the heat is being fixed, but it’s not enough to take the chill out of their bones. 

The cold has made Lara Jean into a compulsive snuggler.She is cold all the time, and even though she wears layers of clothes and gloves and scarves in the house, she can’t get warm.She sits as close to Peter as she can on the sofa and pleads with him to sleep in the same bed.Normally he’d be flattered by this type of attention, but he knows she’s just using him for his body heat.She tells him she loves sleeping with him because it reminds her of when she used to sleep with Kitty at home. _Seriously?_

Sometimes he’ll come home and she’ll already be burrowed in his bed, reading in a hat and the bulkiest fleece pajamas he’s ever seen.

“Covey, those are pretty sexy pajamas there,” he jokes.

“You know what Chris calls them?My boner suicide pajamas,” she giggles.“Whatever, I’ll sacrifice vanity for warmth any day.”

“Hey, maybe you should try sleeping in your bed.We can put extra blankets there.”

“Stop acting like you don’t like me sleeping here! I’m the easiest person to sleep with - I don’t snore, I don’t move a lot, I don’t take a lot of space, I don’t steal covers, and-”

“But you glom onto me and make it so I can’t move!You’re like a barnacle.”

“I’m freezing!You’re like a space heater.You’re never cold.You don’t know how it feels to be cold all the time.”

He gets in the bed.He starts laughing as she immediately starts scooting over to him.“You’re already trying to get in my space!Give me a minute before you start glomming.”

“Stop it.You love my cuddles.” She laughs.

“Oh my god.I can feel your cold feet through my sweats.”

“Hey can you set your alarm for 5:30?I want to make the early hot yoga class.”

Peter groans.“You’re killing me, Lara Jean.”

After he sets the alarm, he says “it’s going to be dark that early.I’ll drive you.Don’t give me shit when I wake you up.”

* * *

The heat is finally fixed.While it makes life more comfortable, Peter is realizing that he really misses sleeping with Lara Jean.He’s gotten used to her petite body curling up next to his.And as much as he complained about her barnacle ways, it was comforting to have her weight pressed against him.

He comes home late one night, and he knocks on Lara Jean’s bedroom door. 

“Hey, are you up?” He asks softly.

“Mmmmffff. No.”

“Can I sleep here?”He tries to think of a reason to give her, but there is nothing that sounds remotely believable.

Lara Jean turns over and opens her covers and then turns back and buries her head in the pillow.

“Let me get ready.I’ll be right in.”

“K…no more talking.” 

He smiles.

He gets on a pair of shorts and a clean t-shirt and washes up.When he climbs into her bed, he realizes too late that she is _not_ wearing her huge ugly pajamas.She’s wearing her silky pajama shorts and a camisole.He takes a couple of deep breaths and tries to angle his body away from her, but she gloms on as usual.

_This was a bad idea._

Her face is pressed against his chest and she can feel her breath tickling his neck.He’s so turned on he can’t take it.He tries to move her so he can leave.She grunts and opens her eyes.“What’s wrong?”She’s annoyed.

“I’m going to sleep in my room.”

“Why?”

“I’m not comfortable.”

“Peter just go to sleep and stop waking me up,” she pouts.Then she presses her body into his side, and throws her bare leg over his. He’s dead.He tries to distract himself, but it’s impossible.He finally falls asleep with his hands clasped tightly behind his head. He knows he can’t go on like this.


	7. When you gonna realize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What, you don’t want a relationship? Fine. You’re not over John? I’ll wait. You just want to just hook up with someone? Hook up with me. Just - just I have to be the person, okay? I’m losing my fucking mind,” he’s staring at her intensely. He needs to know. “What do you want?”
> 
> “I don’t know,” she whispers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PK is getting frustrated.  
> _________________
> 
> Your comments are awesome. I love reading your thoughts. Please continue!  
> _________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.

There’s a banquet for school athletes, and although Peter usually attends alone, he asks Lara Jean to come with him.

“I don’t know, Peter.It’s not really my scene.”

“Oh come on.It’s just food and awards.There’s no scene.”

“It’s so cold out.”

“Are you seriously thinking about not going anywhere until spring?”

“Do you really want me to go?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

Lara Jean will be a little late because she has a meeting with her advisor beforehand.They decide to go separately and meet at the hotel.Peter texts her the location of their table and focuses on the speeches.He feels the attention of the guys at the table shift, and he follows their gaze.Of course, it’s Lara Jean.She’s walking toward the table in a short, sleeveless navy dress that crosses with thick straps on her bare back.Her hair is parted in the middle and down and her lips are nude, but her eyes are thickly lined and dramatic.She is stunning.Peter gets up to pull her chair out, and she smiles at him.

“Sorry I’m late,” she whispers.

“No worries.It just started,” He smiles.

He shoots a dirty look to the guys still staring at her.Thank god Matt is two tables away.

After the speeches, there is a break before dinner, and they head out to the lobby to stretch their legs.They are laughing at a toddler throwing pennies into the water feature when all of sudden, Lara Jean stiffens.Peter looks at her and sees her eyes are wide and she looks pale.He follows her gaze, and sees John with his arms around a girl, waiting in line at the reception.

Peter stands in front of her and speaks into her ear.“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” her voice is shaky.

“Lara Jean?” It’s John.

“Hi.” She forces a smile.

“Hey, McClaren.How are you?” Peter puts an arm around Lara Jean’s waist and brings her close.

“Hi Peter.Wow.Long time no see.I didn’t know you guys kept in touch.”

“We reconnected earlier this year,” Peter quickly replies. He turns a little and nuzzles the top of her head and presses into her side.

“Oh, that’s great.” John is looking back and forth at them.“I better go, It looks like Dipti is up in line.It’s good to see you.”

“Bye, John Ambrose,” Lara Jean says clearly.

Peter feels John’s eyes on them. “Lara Jean?I’m going to kiss you,” he says softly, looking at her.She nods at him.He cups her face in his hands and leans down.He kisses her along her jaw and then presses his mouth to hers.He loves the feel of her full lips against his, and when he pushes his tongue into her mouth, he feels her let out a little sigh and press her body into his.Her tongue is moving into his mouth, and he feels a huge rush over his body. Her hands are in his hair and he can’t believe how good it feels. 

She pulls away. They’re both breathing hard and staring at each other.

“Is he gone now?”She’s breathless.

“Huh?Yeah, I think so.”Peter tries to collect himself.

* * *

Lara Jean is quiet, and Peter’s in a trance.When he gets called up to receive his award, his friends have to nudge him to go to the stage.He’s dazed and he can’t put a sentence together.

When the banquet ends, he gets her coat and orders an Uber.Neither of them talk the whole ride home.As soon as they get into the apartment, Lara Jean holds his arm to get his attention and looks at his eyes.

“Are we good?”

“Uh yeah, of course.”

“Okay,” she says quietly.And she reaches up on her tip toes and gives him a tight hug and kisses him lightly on the cheek.“Peter, you’re the best,” she whispers.He’s not sure, but he thinks he sees tears in her eyes.“I’m going to get some reading done.”

Peter watches TV until his eyes get tired.After he washes up, he thinks he hears Lara Jean crying in her room.The lights are off and she’s under the covers.“Covey?” She doesn’t answer.He gets under the covers and brings her close.She buries her face on his chest, and they fall asleep with their arms around each other.

* * *

They are back to sleeping together every night.One of them will crawl into bed with whomever goes to bed first, and inevitably, Peter will wake up with Lara Jean tucked under his arm, her head on his chest. Thankfully, she’s oblivious to his physical reaction to her.She’s a deep sleeper, and he’s careful to get up before her to avoid morning wood mortification.

He’s given up the pretense of just wanting friendship.He knows she’s still getting over John, and he doesn’t want to push her.He’s afraid he’ll ruin everything if he tells her and then he won’t get to spend time with her in this way. At the same time, he just can’t go on like this. It’s killing him how much he wants to be with her.He’s made up his mind to tell her how he feels on the annual ski trip he goes on with friends before Christmas.He’s been trying to convince her to go.

“Peter, you know I hate the cold.”

“Come on!There’s a cozy lodge with armchairs and a big fire.You can curl up and read there.”

“I can read here!Plus I know what will happen.You’ll worry about me and stay with me and miss out on skiing and snowboarding.I’ll feel bad.”

“That’s not true!” Although he was hoping to stay with Lara Jean the entire time, doing other things, _dirty things_ , inside their room.

She laughs.“God, remember the Halloween party?You were babysitting me all night long.”

Then she gets more serious. “When will you get back?Are we going to see each other before Christmas?”

“I’ll be back the Wednesday before Christmas.

“Okay,” she smiles.“I’ve gotten so used to living with you that I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do things, like-“

“Drive, cook, put away dishes, and get your hair out of the drain?”

“Stop!You know how grossed out I get by my wet hair in the shower.”She grimaces.

“See?You should just come on the ski trip.I’ll drive and clean up after you and pick up your hair.”

“Where will I sleep?”

“You can just share my room.We live together.What’s the difference?”He doesn’t mention that they also share a bed.They have never spoken about that.

Lara Jean looks skeptical.Peter knows what she’s thinking.That at their apartment, they have the option of going into their own rooms.And they aren’t together.Sharing a room on a trip would announce to everyone that they are a couple, which is pretty much exactly what he wants.

“What if you meet someone and want to bring her back?”

“Uh, not going to happen.” _What is wrong with her?_

“I don’t know..…”

“Lara Jean, that’s it.You’re coming.How will anyone even know that we’re sharing a room?I’ll make sure not to mention it.”

“Why is this so important to you?”

“Come on, Covey.You know you can’t survive without me.I’m just trying to do you a favor.How will you get through so many days without me?” He’s changed his strategy.He’s playful now.

She laughs.“Honestly, I think you’re right.I think I need to work on my dependency on you.”

He grins.“So will you come?”

“Okay, but give me the lodge’s info.I’ll try to get my own room.”

Peter hides his disappointment. 

* * *

When they get to the lodge, Lara Jean is overjoyed.She loves the setting and is going on and on about how she’s going to watch The Holiday and Love Actually and get into the Christmas spirit.Peter smiles and leaves to get their bags when a few girls approach her to say hi.

Then he hears her squeal, “Mattie!”

Matt is grinning as he picks her up and swings her a little.“Hey LJ!I didn’t know you were coming. You better wear your hair up.I think there’s a height limit on the ski lift.”She laughs and swats at him.He ruffles her hair and looks at Peter with comically wide innocent eyes and mouths “ _What?_ ”

 _Asshole._ Peter shakes his head at him, and then goes to reception to make sure Lara Jean’s and his rooms are close like he requested. 

“Here’s your card, Lara Jean.Let’s get your bags in your room.”

“Oh thanks!Peter, this was the best idea.Thanks for convincing me to come,” and she gives him that dimpled smile that kills him a little every time.

“Get ready and meet me in the lobby, okay?” His eyes are soft.

“Okay,”

Peter is not prepared for Lara Jean’s lodge look.He assumed that she would be wearing bulky ski clothes the entire trip.Instead, she’s wearing ribbed leggings and a soft clingy knit sweater and fur-lined boots, and he sees guys looking up at her as she makes her way down the stairs.She looks warm and soft and Peter has a strong urge to pull her into his lap and nuzzle her neck.

“Why are you dressed like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“How are you going to go skiing like that?”

“I’m not. I’m going to read and drink hot chocolate, remember?”

“Okay, let me get changed.I’ll be right back.”

“No!Go have fun.Seriously.I don’t need you to babysit me, Peter.Go.”She’s serious.

“Ugh, fine!I’ll be back and we’ll have lunch together, okay?Look, there are empty seats by the fireplace.Go grab a seat.I’ll bring you a hot chocolate.”

“Oh my god, Peter.You make fun of me, but you’re the one that’s created my dependency on you!” She’s laughing and she starts making her way to the fireplace.

He brings her a hot chocolate and a muffin.“Okay, text me if you need anything.I’ll be back soon.” and he leans down and tucks her hair behind her ear. 

* * *

Peter is enjoying snowboarding.He doesn’t get to do it often enough, and this year the snow is perfect.

“Kavinsky!” Matt slides in next to him. “Looks like you haven’t made much progress with LJ. I saw that you guys have separate rooms.What’s going on?”He’s grinning.

“Mind your own business.”

“Dude, you act like her boyfriend.You’re always together, you take care of her, you live together.You brought her to the banquet!No one ever brings a date.Jose said he saw you kissing there.”

“You guys all need to get your own lives.Just do me a favor and stop flirting with her.You’re getting on my fucking nerves.”

“I know,” Matt laughs.“But she’s too hot not to flirt with and if I don’t, there’s a line of guys that will.And apparently she’s still single. I’ll stop when you guys get together. That is, if you ever man up and figure it out.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Peter says, and he pulls out his phone to check the time.

“Oh, are you making sure you’re not going to be late meeting your ‘roommate’?” Matt raises his eyebrows and smirks.

Peter scowls and heads back to the lodge.

He goes to lobby and there she is, curled up in an armchair with her hair falling over her face as she’s reading.

“Hey,” he smiles.

“Hi, did you have fun?”She turns her face up to him.She has hot chocolate on her lips.Before he can stop himself, he takes her chin and brings his thumb to her lips and brushes it off.Her lips are so soft and he has an intense desire to suck hard on her bottom lip.

She’s blushing.“Did I have stuff all over my mouth?I think I must have drank like four of those.”

“Peter?”

He’s still staring at her lips.“Huh?”

“Want to get lunch?”

“Sure.” He smiles at her.“You look so cozy right now.Do you want me to go get something and bring it back?”

“No, I want to get up.”She stands up and stretches her arms, and her sweater lifts a little, exposing some skin on her lower abdomen.Peter wants to run his tongue along that patch of skin and pull down those leggings with his teeth.

_Get it together._

* * *

After dinner, everyone decides to go to the bar. 

“I think I’m going to call it a night and go watch my movies and go to bed.You go have fun.” 

“Wait, LJ, you’re not going to stay out?” Matt says.“Come on, you have to stay out a little longer.It’s not even nine yet.There’s a dance floor.You haven’t seen me break it down yet.”

Lara Jean laughs, “I’m sure there’s an embarrassing video of you somewhere that I’ll see some day.I’m actually looking forward to my movies.”

“Stay out for one drink?Please?”Peter begs.“Come on, you’ll be able to see the night sky out the back deckThere will be so many stars out tonight.”

“Aw, Peter, you’re so romantic,” Julia, the girl Joe is dating says, smiling.“Lara Jean, you’re so lucky.”

Before Lara Jean can respond, Matt says with a smirk, “Oh she’s the luckiest roommate ever,” and then he turns to Lara Jean and says,“Come on LJ, let’s get you a hot toddy.”He leads her to the bar and looks back to Peter and grins.

Matt’s behavior is making Peter crazy.He knows he’s fucking with him, but at the same time, he knows Matt is attracted to her and it’s clear that Lara Jean thinks he’s charming.There are other guys who keep looking at her, too, guys that Peter doesn’t even know.He just has to get her alone and talk to her. 

“Peter, this hot toddy is amazing!You should get one.” Lara Jean is grinning.

“Are you drunk?” He laughs.

“Of course not! I’ve had one sip.” And she says it so vehemently that some of her drink splashes onto the floor.“Oops, ugh I wasted that.It was so good, too.I’ll be back.I’m going to get another one.”

“Here, I’ll get it.Sit down.”She laughs.“No I don’t want to sit.I’ll come with you.”

After Peter orders the drinks, he looks over and sees Lara Jean throwing her head back, laughing at something Julia’s saying, completely oblivious to the number of eyes that are following her around the room.

She’s is having a great time.She’s been laughing and smiling and just being herself, making everyone want to be around her.Peter watches as guys approach her, trying to make their way to get closer to her, and he’s getting pissed. He’s pissed at himself for taking so long and falling so hard.He’s pissed at her for taking so fucking long to get over John and being so goddamn oblivious and obtuse.And he’s pissed at all the fucking guys in the room who can’t stop looking at her.

“Hey, want to come outside?” She nods.

“This is amazing.I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many stars.”She turns to Peter and smiles.She’s so beautiful and lit up against the dark night and that just makes him more pissed.He doesn’t want to talk about the fucking stars.

“Can you be with me?”He’s abrupt and unsmiling.

She looks at him in surprise.

“I’ve been wanting you for so long.I tried to not want you, but I can’t do it anymore.Do you want to be with me?I’m going fucking crazy.” He won’t drop his gaze.

She’s not saying anything. 

“What, you don’t want a relationship? Fine. You’re not over John?I’ll wait.You just want to just hook up with someone?Hook up with me.Just - just I have to be the person, okay? I’m losing my fucking mind,” he’s staring at her intensely.He needs to know.“What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” she whispers.

He’s exasperated.“Why don’t you know? You don’t think I’m your type? I think I am. Or you’re not my type? That’s bullshit. I’ve never wanted anyone so bad in my life.You don’t think we’re compatible because I’m some jock that parties?Lara Jean, come on, we do everything, _probably more,_ than two people in a trusting relationship do together. We sleep in the same fucking bed every night! 

He pauses and waits for her to meet his eyes. "What, you don’t think we have that chemistry you’re looking for?Because I’m pretty sure we do,” his voice is gruff. He pulls her closer and she gasps a little.She doesn’t move away and he knows she’s feeling it. He tilts her chin up and slowly brushes his lips against hers, and she shivers.“I think you’re pretty sure too.”He runs his tongue on her lips and he feels her mouth open.When he slips his tongue against hers, she whimpers a little, and he’s done with this.He’s pissed and turned on, and he’s determined to show her she belongs with him.

“I’m tired of this bullshit.Let’s go to your room.I’m going to make you know tonight.”


	8. And I dreamed your dream for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He takes her hand and they silently make their way to her room. 
> 
> As soon as they get inside, he pulls her to him and brings her bottom lip into his mouth and sucks on it and she grasps his neck to hold him close. Then she kisses him and pushes her tongue in his mouth. She’s gasping and putting her hands in his hair, and he’s so turned on that he’s losing his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PK's in charge.  
> __________________
> 
> Your comments are unbelievable - so witty and funny and just full of goodness. Thank you so much for encouraging me and keeping me motivated! It means so much to me. Please continue!  
> __________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.

He takes her hand and they silently make their way to her room.

As soon as they get inside, he pulls her to him and brings her bottom lip into his mouth and sucks on it and she grasps his neck to hold him close.Then she kisses him and pushes her tongue in his mouth.She’s gasping and putting her hands in his hair, and he’s so turned on that he’s losing his mind. 

He keeps kissing her and backs her onto the bed. She pulls off her sweater and he sees she’s wearing a white lace bralette, and he groans.He gives her wet kisses over the lace and murmurs against her breast, “why do you always wear shit like this?I can’t take it.” She’s moaning now, and he pulls down the cups and kisses and sucks her skin, and runs his fingers over her nipples and then licks them, and her breathing is loud and labored. He then makes his way down to her stomach.

He runs his tongue down her stomach as she shudders. “Peter,” she gasps. He looks up and her eyes are closed and her mouth is open, and he’s filled with lust and want but he’s also so frustrated with her.He talks quietly, almost to himself, “I’m going to make you come so fucking hard.” And then he kneels and puts his mouth in between her legs over her leggings and licks and sucks over them before pulling them down. When he starts kissing up the inside of her thigh, he mutters, “don’t tell me you don’t know again,” and then he puts his mouth on her.

* * *

When Peter’s eyes open the next morning, Lara Jean’s head is on his chest and her hair is spilling over his arm.Her warm, naked body is pressed into his side and Peter can’t imagine a better way to wake up. She looks so gorgeous with her hair sexy and unkempt and her lips swollen.“I wish I could take a picture of you right now.” His voice is husky.

“I’ll kill you, Peter.”

He laughs. 

She looks at him. “Peter, you know I do want to be with you, right?”

“Yeah, you showed me last night,” He’s cocky.

“Oh god, stop being so smug!”

“Hey, I’m just happy that we’re on the same page.”He grins.

“I don’t want to just hook up.”Her brow is furrowed.

“Covey, come on.” He kisses her shoulder.“You know we’ve pretty much been in a relationship for a while now, right? All that was missing was the hooking up part.Now we have to make up for lost time.”

She giggles and reaches for her shirt.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting up.I want coffee.”

“No, I’ll get it for you.What do you want for breakfast?I’ll bring it.Don’t get dressed.We’re not done.”

He heads downstairs with a big goofy grin and walks to the coffee bar.

“Hey buddy, you look happy.” Matt’s laughing.

“Even you can’t annoy me today.” Peter smiles.“What do you want?It’s on me.”

“Man, you are so pathetic!Get me a bagel and coffee.On second thought, I want a breakfast sandwich.I deserve it after putting up with your sorry ass.I’m glad it worked out.I had to keep the pressure on because you were being sucha chicken shit.”

Peter laughs.

He hurries back with breakfast.She’s reading in bed, the color of her hair and eyes and lips are a vivid contrast to the white bedding.“You are stupid beautiful right now,” he says softly, rubbing her arm.

“Okay, Peter.”She’s rolling her eyes.

“You are!”He hands her coffee and sets the avocado toast next to her.“Here, eat up.You’ll need your strength.We’re staying in bed today.”

She leans over, and says, her breath tickling his ear,“Stop telling me what to do.You’ve been super bossy with me.It’s my turn now.” And his eyes open wide as she sucks on his earlobe. 

* * *

They’re both at home for winter break and Peter’s going crazy.He’s used to having Lara Jean with him all the time and it’s hard spending so much time apart.Also, he cannot stop thinking about the sex.He feels like he might explode if they don’t get to do it again soon.

They are eating lunch out after finishing some last minute Christmas shopping in town.

“Do you want to head back to school early?”She’s wearing a green sweater that wraps around around and ties in the back, and Peter is aching to pull the tie open and see what she’s wearing under it.

“I can’t.I have Covey girl plans pretty much the whole break.”

Peter groans.“When can we be alone?”

“We’re alone now.”She teases, smiling.

“You know what I mean.”His voice is low.

“Come back after dinner tonight.Late night.Just be quiet, okay?”

“Excuse me, I think _you_ are the one that’s going to have to work on being quiet.” He smirks.

She blushes and then leaning forward over the table, she looks him in the eye and says softly, “Actually, I’m remembering one point in particular when _you_ weren’t so quiet.Do you want me to refresh your memory?It was when I put my-”

“Okay, okay, okay, stop.” He says quickly, his face turning red. “Jesus, Covey.”He takes a deep breath and tries to concentrate on the menu.She’s going to kill him.

* * *

On the day before Christmas Eve, Peter decides to stop by to see Lara Jean on his way home.They are planning on going to a movie later, but earlier that day he found a vintage locket at his mom’s shop that he knows Lara Jean will love, and he can’t wait to give it to her.

When he parks the car, he sees her huddled with someone on the front porch.It’s John.They are so close their heads are touching, and his arm is wrapped around her shoulders.Peter’s stomach drops and suddenly he’s exhausted. _Is this ever going to end?_

“Hey Lara Jean.”His mouth is a hard line.

“Hi!”She gets up quickly and stands next to him.

John gets up. “I have to get going. Bye Peter, bye Lara Jean.”Neither of them look at him.

Peter looks at her face and sees that her eyes are sad and rimmed in red.

“You know, I thought I could do this, but I can’t.”

“Peter, he just came by to say Merry Christmas.”

“You look sad.I know there’s still a piece of you that’s hung up on him.You were destroyed at the banquet when we saw him.What’s going to happen this time?You’re going to get sad again?And this time it’s worse for me because we’re together. I just can’t do it.I pushed you to do this because I want it so bad, but I can’t continue it and know that you’re thinking about him and wanting him.”

“Peter, I do want to be with you.”Her eyes are tearing.“It’s just…”

“You still love him, right?”He pauses for a second, waiting for her to say something, but she stays quiet, looking at the ground.“I’m not going to put myself through the heartbreak of that. Shit, it’s hard enough for me right now! I’m not going to pull you along anymore.Look, I told you I could wait, but I was kidding myself that I could stand by and watch you pine after some guy while you’re with me.Come on, you have to know I’m all in with you.And you know we’re great together.We work.All I want is you, but I can’t carry you on my fucking back. _God_ , I shouldn’t have to fuck your brains out for you to admit you want to be with me!”

“That guy was dumb enough to leave you and find someone else.I’m here and I want to be with you.Only you.I’ve been right by your side and thinking about you all the time and trying to do everything I can to be good to you and show you how much I care.That’s easy for me because I want to be with you.I’m in love with you, Lara Jean.So let me know when you’re ready to meet me where I am.”

“Here, I saw this today and thought you’d like it.”Peter hands her the box and leaves.


	9. Now all I do is miss you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He decides to head back to school early, telling his mom and brother that he has a lacrosse clinic. He’s going to have to find some place to live before she gets back. 
> 
> The apartment is dark and empty. Peter goes to his room and collapses on his bed, trying to push out the thoughts of all the times he and Lara Jean spent together, but he can’t do it.
> 
> He gets out a bag and starts packing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PK is a hot mess.  
> ________________
> 
> This is the second to last chapter. I'm overwhelmed by your support! Thanks for your comments. Please continue.  
> ________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.

Peter is missing Lara Jean desperately.It’s been three days since he last saw her, and she hasn’t contacted him.He’s hurting a lot and nursing his broken heart with beer and long runs and by killing himself at the gym. 

He decides to head back to school early, telling his mom and brother that he has a lacrosse clinic. He’s going to have to find some place to live before she gets back. 

The apartment is dark and empty.Peter goes to his room and collapses on his bed, trying to push out the thoughts of all the times he and Lara Jean spent together, but he can’t do it.

He gets out a bag and starts packing.

* * *

He’s back at the off-campus house sleeping on the couch that smells like piss and puke.He can’t stop thinking about Lara Jean.These past few months he has spent so much time thinking about her and caring for her and now he feels this big emptiness.He’s lost.She made it so easy for Peter to want to do things for her - she never expected it and was always grateful.He remembers how she would get a little anxious if they were going to be apart, never saying so explicitly. She just wanted him around all the time.He tries to stop himself from worrying about her now, but he can’t help but wonder about how she’s managing.Who’s going to give her rides and bring her coffee and make sure she’s warm when she’s cold? All those little things that became part of his daily life.He loved being that person for her.

Matt comes downstairs.“Are you still moping?Come on, it’s New Year’s Eve!”

Peter groans.He had lost track of the days.

“Let’s go out.I’ll buy you a beer.”

He doesn’t have the strength to argue.

The bar is full of people already drunk.It’s loud and crowded, and Peter would give anything to be having a quiet night, watching one of Lara Jean’s dumb movies with her curled into his side.He sighs.

“Peter, come on.She’s going to come around.I know I’ve been fucking with you forever, but I know I didn’t really have a chance with her.She is so into you. She can’t stay away from you.Just give it some time.Here.”Matt shoves a shot in front of him.

He downs it.“I’ll have another,” he says to the bartender.

Matt raises his eyebrows, “There you go buddy.A little drunk wallowing never hurt anyone.”

Peter thinks back to that tequila-laden night with Lara Jean.Even that night was about John. The first time they slept in the same bed was about John. The first time he kissed her was about John. 

He keeps on drinking and getting more depressed.After the fifth shot, he asks the bartender if they have any ice cream at the bar. 

“Jesus Kavinsky.I don’t want to be sexist, but are you turning into a girl?”

As the night progresses, he gets so drunk he can barely walk back to the house.When they finally get to the front door, he pukes all over Matt’s shoes. “Dude, I’m going to fucking kill you tomorrow.”

He collapses onto the couch.Before he passes out, he checks his phone to see if Lara Jean has called or texted.He sighs and texts her.

Peter: I sdfewi asdfs

* * *

He doesn’t wake up until past noon the next day, and he has a pounding headache.He spends the afternoon watching football, and then he dozes off.It’s dark when he wakes up again.

He hears the door open.“I don’t want to hear about your fucking shoes anymore!You’re the one that made me go out last night.”

“Peter?” Lara Jean walks in.

“Oh. Hey.”His head is throbbing, but he notices she’s wearing a sweater dress and leggings and boots, and he can’t stand how good she looks and smells and hates how attracted he is to her.

“I went to your house and your mom said you were here.”

“Oh.”He doesn’t look at her. 

“Hey, can you look at me?” She sits down next to him and turns her face so that she can meet his eyes.He can tell that she’s nervous.“I need to talk to you."

Her eyes are big and she sharply inhales before she speaks in a shaky voice.“I’ve had a really hard time this past week. I’ve grown so used to you taking care of me, no actually, _loving me_ , that I’ve forgotten what it’s like to not have it, but that’s only part of the reason why it’s been so difficult.” Peter looks away.He’s not sure where this is leading.Lara Jean waits until he looks back at her to continue. 

“I’ve been thinking about you so much… I keep remembering what you said in the car on the way to Thanksgiving.That I was attracted to carelessness.I knew what you meant then - that John Ambrose was careless with me.But I realize now that I’m the one who’s being careless with you.You’ve loved me so openly.”Her voice breaks, and Peter has to force himself not to reach out to her. “You’ve just been giving and giving, and I’ve been taking everything and not giving any thought to what you need.Peter, I’m so sorry. I think I was holding onto the thought of John Ambrose because it was my comfort zone and I didn’t want to deal with my feelings for you.But I know I’m not in love with John Ambrose, and I don’t think I’ve been for a while.I’m in love with you Peter.I’m ready to meet you where you are.”Her eyes are searching his.

“You are?” Peter smiles.

“Yes, I really am.”The dimples are out and Peter feels the familiar flip in his stomach.She cups his face and kisses him, and he pulls her onto his lap. She leans back and wrinkles her nose. “Oh my god, what is that smell?”

“Oh sorry.Rough night.”

“Wow.I can tell.”

“What took you so long?”

“Avoidance…and self-loathing.”

“How did you get here?”

“I drove.”

“Really?In the dark?”

“God, you act like I’m an invalid or something!I don’t like driving, but it’s not like I don’t know how to do it.Don’t pigeonhole me into an Asian bad driver stereotype.”

Her eyes narrow a little.“Also, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this… You didn’t have to say that you had to ‘fuck my brains out’ when you talked to me that day.That was really crass, Peter.I was just in shock that night and hadn’t really reflected.Obviously it takes me a while to get my head out of the sand.It’s a character flaw.Fucking my brains out had nothing to do with it.”

“Okay, whatever.” He’s laughing.“All I know is that you didn’t ‘know’ about us until after we had some crazy sex that night.” Then he nuzzles the locket on her chest. “And just so you know, you can talk to me like that anytime.I like it.”He gives her a gentle kiss on her mouth, leaning both of them back on the sofa.

“Blech… I’m sorry, Peter.I can’t do this until you get cleaned up.”

He grins.“Let’s go home, Covey.”


	10. There's a place for us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is laughing hysterically on the bottom of the bunny slope.
> 
> “Come on, don’t get mad. I’ve just never seen someone fall so many times. Look at that 8-year-old over there. He’s killing it! Can you just try to use him as an example?”
> 
> “Shut up!” She’s laughing and pushes snow down the back of his jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to all of you amazing readers! I can't thank you enough for escaping with me into this sweet, angsty world. It's really helped me deal with the craziness of reality. I hope you all will give me some feedback on the ending and any ideas you might have for future fics. You have impressed and motivated me so much with your insights, thoughts, and humor. Hope to get a chance to write again soon.  
> _______________________
> 
> Titles of fic and chapters are from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.

**_A year later_ **

Peter and Matt are running on the track.

“You’re getting slow now that you’ve been spending all your time with your girl.”

“Shut up, Kavinsky!I don’t want to have to remind you about how pathetic you were last year.”

“What?That’s bullshit.I knew I had it on lock.”

Matt guffaws.“Ok whatever.Tell that to my favorite sneakers.”

“I told you that was a stomach bug!”

“Right.I’ll have to check that story with LJ at the banquet tonight.”

“Fuck you.”

* * *

When Peter comes home, he hears footsteps running to the door.“Hercules!” He bends down and gives the huge mutt a scratch behind his ears.The dog topples him over and starts licking his face, and Peter wrestles with him. “Covey?”

“I’m right here.”Lara Jean is curled up on the sofa with a book.Hercules hears her voice and bounds over to the sofa and lays his head on her lap.Peter smiles at the sight of the huge dog cuddling with Lara Jean.

He walks over to the sofa and kisses her.“I can’t believe that Finn and Seth are picking him up today.I’m going to miss him so much. I’m almost hoping their flight gets delayed,” Lara Jean says, scratching under Hercules’s chin.Peter tucks her hair behind her ear.“I think he’s going to be brokenhearted, too.Look at him.” 

There’s a knock on the door, and Finn and Seth walk in.“Hey boy!”Hercules runs over, wagging his tail.Then he runs back to Lara Jean, who is getting up but is pushed back down when he tries to get in her lap. 

“What did you do to our dog?” Finn asks, shaking his head.

“What?Nothing.I followed your instructions.Why?”Lara Jean is confused.

“He barely acknowledged us.” Seth frowns.

“He’s been following her around the whole time he’s been here.He even waits for her outside the bathroom.” Peter laughs.

“Sounds familiar,” Finn says, rolling his eyes.

“Are you implying that I behave like a dog?” Peter’s indignant.

Lara jean giggles. “Do you guys want something to eat?You must be starving.”She gets up and walks into the kitchen, with Peter and Hercules close behind.

Finn snorts.

* * *

“You look nice,” Lara Jean smiles as she looks at Peter in his suit.

“You look more than nice.You look amazing.”Peter stares at her wide-eyed as she slips on her shoes. 

“You know, we had our first real kiss at the banquet last year,” she says smiling.

“Well our first kiss was spin the bottle, but I think our first real kiss was right before we had angry sex at the lodge last year,” he says.“The banquet kiss was fake.We only kissed because you were so freaked out about John being there.”

“It wasn’t fake!Now I admit that at the time I hadn’t processed everything, but I loved that kiss. Peter, I don’t fake kiss with open mouth!” 

“Oh yeah?Talk to me more about kissing,” he says, gruff, drawing her close to him and kissing her neck.She sighs and puts her hands in his hair.“We have to go…”

“We can be a little late.What are you wearing under there?”He tugs at the shoulder strap of her dress.

“You really have a lingerie fetish,” she giggles.

“No, I have a Lara Jean fetish,” he says, smiling. And he pulls her down to his lap.

* * *

Peter is laughing hysterically on the bottom of the bunny slope.

“Come on, don’t get mad.I’ve just never seen someone fall so many times.Look at that 8-year-old over there. He’s killing it! Can you just try to use him as an example?”

“Shut up!” She’s laughing and pushes snow down the back of his jacket.

“You’re going down, Covey!”He’s holding a snowball. He looks at her and pauses. “Wait, are you cold?You’re shivering.Let’s go inside.”He bends down to help her out of her skis.

She smiles at him, leaning in and bringing his arm around her.“I love you, Peter.”


	11. She says forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks over at Lara Jean, and feels a little pang in his stomach. In August, Lara Jean will be leaving for her Fulbright in England. Peter is staying at UVA to complete a post-bac for medicine. He decided senior year that law is not for him pand wants to pursue sports medicine instead, and he needs to finish up his science requirements before he can take the MCAT and apply for medical school. He is so proud of Lara Jean, but he can’t stop thinking about spending almost a year apart in different countries. 
> 
> He looks over at her and she gives him a dimpled smile, and his heart aches for this gorgeous, sexy, perfect girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt like this story wasn't finished, and a lot of your ideas got me thinking. Thanks for all the inspiration!
> 
> Please comment! I love hearing from you!
> 
> ___________
> 
> Chapter title from She’s a Jar by Wilco

“Peter!It’s time to reapply,” Lara Jean calls to him, waving the tube of sunblock.Peter has to smile at her beach look.She’s sitting under an umbrella, with a big floppy hat on and sunglasses, and a striped halter bikini.She’s been reading a book since they got there an hour ago.

He finds his phone in her beach bag.“Let me take a picture of you first.You look like you’re in a photo shoot or something.” She leans back and smiles for a picture.“Peter, you know what Kitty calls you now?Peterazzi.You take too many pictures of me.”He hoots and then shrugs.“You look so good.I want to remember.”She rolls her eyes and hands him the sunblock.

“God, Covey, you are so crazy about sunblock.”

“Yeah, well, I have to keep you looking good.You don’t want to get all wrinkled. Then I’ll have to find a younger man in London,” she jokes.

“Excuse me?” He makes a face at her.

“Hmmmm…. Maybe a Harry Styles type?You know he doesn’t have wrinkles and he has that accent,” She’s grinning.

“Okay, that’s it!”He picks her up and throws her over his shoulder and starts running towards the water.She’s squealing and he’s laughing.“Don’t even start with me, Lara Jean!”He pretends that he’s going to throw her into the water and she’s laughing and clutching onto him, and he loves it.

“Are you guys going to be antisocial and just obsess over each other this weekend?” Matt asks, making his way over and helping Lara Jean down.

“Of course not!I can’t wait to spend time with you all before I leave.Thanks for inviting us, by the way,” Lara Jean smiles.

“The benefit of having relatives with a beach house,” Matt grins.

“Where’s Claire?”

“She went back to the house to get another book.She’ll be right back.”

“These girls and their books.They just sit on the beach all day reading,” Peter complains.He looks over at Lara Jean, and feels a little pang in his stomach. In August, Lara Jean will be leaving for her Fulbright in England. Peter is staying at UVA to complete a post-bac for medicine.He decided senior year that law is not for him and wants to pursue sports medicine instead, and he needs to finish up his science requirements before he can take the MCAT and apply for medical school.He is so proud of Lara Jean, but he can’t stop thinking about spending almost a year apart in different countries.

He looks over at her and she gives him a dimpled smile, and his heart aches for this gorgeous, sexy, perfect girl.He pulls her close and murmurs, “Come into the water with me.I want to see you wet in that suit.”

* * *

Peter’s in the outside shower rinsing off all the sand with freezing cold water. “Here,” Lara Jean hands him a warm towel that he knows she put in the dryer for a few minutes for him.“Thanks,” he smiles, drying off. 

“Oh yeah, Matt was asking what we wanted to do for dinner.What sounds good?”

“Oh, Claire and I have it planned out.We got burgers and veggie burgers for the grill and I’m making a salad and we have watermelon.There’s plenty of beer left and Claire is making margaritas, too.”

“That sounds great!I can’t believe you guys planned that all.”

“We’re in a house with eight guys.We thought we should do at least one meal, considering we haven’t cooked or cleaned at all since we got here.” Lara Jean is laughing. 

“Come on, everyone knows that you don’t clean or cook, Lara Jean!”

“Shut up!I turn on the dishwasher and do laundry…sometimes!And I bake…”She pouts. 

Peter laughs.“You do.Plus you make everything smell good and look good.And _you_ look good.”He ruffles her hair.

Her eyes start to look a little sad, and he knows she’s thinking about leaving, causing him to feel that pang in his stomach again.He wishes he could go with her, but he has to fight that impulse.It’s a miracle that he was able to buckle down and get the grades he needed to even consider going into medicine, and he’s determined to not be some has been athlete who peaked in college.He wants to accomplish something and he is looking towards a future with Lara Jean and wants to pave the path.

He rubs her shoulders. “Let’s go sit out on the deck.”

She smiles, “I have to run in and get my phone.I’ll meet you up there.”

On his way up, Peter stops by the kitchen and grabs a bottle of white wine and two glasses.He’s relieved to find out that they have the deck to themselves.He wants to have as much time alone with Lara Jean as possible.

Lara Jean’s hair is blowing in the breeze, and the late afternoon sun is lighting her up and she looks so beautiful and natural in this moment.Peter feels so sure of her and their future, and he just can’t believe how lucky he is.

She turns to him and hands him a small black box.“This is a late graduation gift.” 

“What? I didn’t…”

“No, it’s not supposed to be a reciprocal thing.I’m so proud of you for what you’re doing - figuring out what you really want to do and changing directions is really hard and brave, and I know you can do it.”

He opens it.It’s a watch, steel, with a black dial. 

“I know it seems antiquated because everyone uses their phones, but it’s set to London time,” she says softly. “My dad told me about this brand.My mom got him the same kind when he graduated medical school.Turn it over.”The back of the watch is engraved with the image of an anatomical heart.His eyes are red.

“I love it.Thank you,” his voice is thick.He strokes her face and kisses her.

“I love you, Peter.”

“I love you so much.”


	12. Please beware

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Colin, this is my boyfriend Peter. He’s visiting from Virginia,” she turns and smiles at Peter.
> 
> “Hey man, nice to meet you,” Peter puts his hand out.
> 
> Colin shakes it, and smirks at his beer. “Oh I could tell you were an American from the moment I spotted you. Let me guess, that’s an IPA.” He laughs. “Oh, and of course! You’re wearing trainers with jeans. And where are your white socks? There they are!” He chuckles. “I never understood the American male infatuation with white socks.”

Peter is packing for his trip to visit Lara Jean.It’s only been a month and a half, but he’s been having a hard time without her.The time difference makes it hard to connect, and FaceTime and texting are no replacement for having her by his side. Matt is living with him in the apartment while he starts a management training program at a local company.Sometimes Peter catches himself thinking that it is Lara Jean puttering around the apartment, but of course reality quickly sinks in, leaving a hollow feeling in his gut.

His classes are grueling, and he’s been putting all his effort into his studies.What he wouldn’t give to have Lara Jean reading next to him.

He just completed midterms for his classes, so this fall break will be academically stress free.He can’t wait to see Lara Jean, and he wishes he had the money to take her out of the shared house and be with her alone in some amazing hotel.

“Dude, you’re bringing books?” Matt is incredulous.

“I found this first edition of Little Women when I was picking up stuff for my mom’s shop.I know she’ll want it with her.”

“Look at you, Kavinsky!Are you going to dress up as Professor Bhaer for Halloween this year?” Matt’s grinning.

“Shut up!Don’t act like you aren’t sniffing around Claire every second of the day.”

“Who’s acting?” Matt laughs. “Don’t get a car.I can take you to the airport.”

“Who the fuck is Professor Bhaer anyway?”

“Oh my god.Don’t be such a dumb ass.Read the book.”

* * *

Lara Jean is staying in a house in Notting Hill that rents out to foreign students. Margot recommended it to her, and introduced her to Emma, a friend of hers that is currently living there.Peter likes that she’s not alone and already knows someone.He knows it’s ridiculous, but he can’t help but worry about how she’s getting on sometimes.He’ll never forget the first time he saw her gag at the site of her hair collecting in the shower drain, or when she shrieked and ran out of her room, slamming the door and shoving a towel under it because she saw a spider.He smiles to himself thinking about how, despite those fears, Lara Jean, with all that heart and intellectual curiosity, is one of the bravest people he knows. 

The taxi lets him off, and he can’t believe how picturesque the street is.He loves that Lara Jean gets to live here.The houses are large and the gardens are gated, but the homes are close together and there are restaurants and little shops on the corners of the street. It seems more integrated and like a real neighborhood, rather than an imposing, set-off street where only wealthy people live.There are a lot of pedestrians, too, and Peter likes how dense and bustling it feels.

“PETER!”Lara Jean comes running out and throws herself on him.He puts his arms around her and lifts her to him.Her eyes are teary and she’s grinning. 

“Hey there,” he says softly, overwhelmed by the sight of her.

“I missed you so much.”She smiles into the kiss, cupping his face. 

“Covey, you don’t even know how much I missed you.”He nuzzles her face, and he feels her sigh against him, her warm breath tickling his ear and all of a sudden, his want for her is overpowering. His voice turns husky. “Where can we go?I want to show you how much.”

Thankfully they don’t see anyone on the way up to her room.She closes the door behind them and smiles shyly. “Come here,” he says, pulling her between his legs as he sits on the bed, giving her soft, open-mouth kisses on her neck.“I missed everything about you,” she sighs. He kisses and when their tongues brush against each other, it hits him hard.He’s desperate now to feel her naked body pressed against his and to be inside her, and he knows she feels the same.She’s taking off her clothes and tugging at his.He doesn’t have a second to savor whatever lacey silky lingerie she’s wearing because she’s already naked, and her urgency is turning him on even more. While he shrugs off his shirt and she unbuttons his pants and pushes them down.She straddles him and guides him in, his hips jerking up to meet her.“ _God_ , you feel so fucking good,” he murmurs against her chest.She’s moving and gasping and he sucks on her nipples and puts his hands on her hips, momentarily surprised by how big his hands are relative to her narrow frame. “Don’t stop, Peter,” she’s moaning and bucking.He can feel the sweat on her body.Her eyes are closed, her lips are parted, and her hair is wild.He’s too turned on and it’s been too long, and he knows he can’t last much longer.He brings his hand around and starts rubbing her, and soon they come together, both of them needing that release.

When they fall back on the bed, catching their breath, Peter smiles.Her warm body is pressed against his, her head is resting on his chest, and although the familiarity is so comforting, he starts feeling wistful because he knows he has to leave in a few days. 

* * *

They go out to dinner with some of Lara Jean’s housemates at a local pub.Emma, Margot’s friend from St. Andrew’s, Liam, a huge ex-rugby player is from New Zealand, studying at LSE now, and Jackie a theatre major from California, all crowd onto one side of the table so Lara Jean and Peter sit together on the other side.The pub is noisy and crowded, and although Peter is jet lagged, the liveliness of the atmosphere is making him get a second wind.

Lara Jean’s phone keeps buzzing.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s just Colin, one of the doctoral candidates in the English department at the university.He has some books that I’m interested in.”

“Do you want to go pick them up after dinner?”

“No, it’s not a big deal.”She looks at her phone again.“Oh never mind. He says he’s around here anyway and will drop it off.”

“Good.”Peter smiles.

“Want a pint, Peter?” Liam asks.

“Sure, I’ll take an IPA.”

“There’s a local one here.Want to try it?”

“Sure, thanks.”

“Lara Jean?” Peter turns around and sees a tall, blonde guy standing in back of Lara Jean.

“Oh, hi Colin!Thanks for dropping this off.” She smiles, taking a couple of books from him.

“No problem.You know I’ll do anything for my favorite student researcher,” Colin says, with a refined English accent and a warm smile.He puts his hands on the back of her chair, too close to her back.

“Colin, this is my boyfriend Peter.He’s visiting from Virginia,” she turns and smiles at Peter.

“Hey man, nice to meet you,” Peter puts his hand out.

Colin shakes it, and smirks at his beer.“Oh I could tell you were an American from the moment I spotted you.Let me guess, that’s an IPA.” He laughs.“Oh, and of course!You’re wearing trainers with jeans.And where are your white socks? There they are!”He chuckles.“I never understood the American male infatuation with white socks.”

Lara Jean stiffens, and Peter holds her hand under the table and squeezes it.He turns to Colin and grins.“Yeah, dude, but we started calling them sneakers - not trainers - after we won the revolution.”The others at the table laugh, but Lara Jean is silent, with a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“That’s interesting _dude,”_ Colin continues with a dry smile.“It’s amusing to me because when I first met LJ, I couldn’t place where she was from until I heard her speak.The way she dresses is an art.”He looks fondly at her and then turns back to Peter. “Let me guess…You aren’t studying themes of art in 17th and 18th century women writers like she is, are you?” _Pretentious fuck._

“No, I’m hoping to go into medicine.” He says pleasantly.It takes every fiber of his being not to react to him.

“Hmmm…. that’s practical. Not hopelessly impractically academic like us, right LJ?”He gives her an affectionate smile and winks. _I’m going to kill him_.

“Yeah nah. Maybe if you were less hopeless you’d have your own girl instead of making up reasons to see someone else’s,” Liam mutters, under his breath, for only Peter to hear.

“I’m off everyone.See you tomorrow LJ.Text me if you want me to bring you an espresso,” Colin turns around and leaves. 

Peter looks at Lara Jean.She exhales and is looking downcast.He puts his arm around her.“Want to get some dessert Covey? Let’s do as the English do! Sticky toffee pudding?Trifle?”

She giggles.“Have you been watching Great British Bake Off without me?”

“Yes, whenever I miss you, I watch Mary Berry.She reminds me of you.Very sexy.” 

“Stop it Peter!” She laughs.

When the girls go to the bathroom, Liam looks at Peter. “He’ll try to cut your lunch if you’re not careful.That fuckwit’s been coming around a lot since she’s moved in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I love your comments.  
> ________________________________
> 
> Title of chapter from She's a Jar by Wilco


	13. A bruised road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before they walk down the steps, he turns to her. “Stop for a second. What are you doing, Lara Jean? Don’t tell me you can’t tell that he’s into you. Why are you letting him get that close to you? I don’t understand what you’re doing. Do you like the attention? Is that what it is? Because I’m trying to keep cool and just be here with you, but this is fucked up.”
> 
> She looks at him, tears welling up in her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for continuing to read. I love your comments! 
> 
> _______________________________
> 
> Title of chapter from She's a Jar by Wilco

Lara Jean and Peter decide to take a walk before returning back to the house.They say their goodbyes to her housemates at the pub and decide to walk down to Hillgate Village.Lara Jean laces her fingers through his. 

“I’m sorry about the way Colin talked to you,” she says, searching his eyes.“I was kind of in shock, and I felt like if I said something it would make it worse.”

“Covey, I know that,” he says, bringing her hand up to his lips.“If I saw you getting upset, I would have gotten more pissed. Why didn’t you mention him to me?”

“I don’t know… It just felt like I would be placing more significance on him to bring him up.”

“But I’d rather know who he is than be surprised.”An uneasy jealousy starts to settle in his stomach.“Hey, I know how guys look at you and want to be with you.I mean, I’m one of them.But I need to know what’s going on in your life.And it’s fucked up that he feels familiar enough to bring you coffee and come by the house and I have no clue who he is."

“First of all, it’s not like that with him.It’s completely platonic.There is nothing other than friendship there. Secondly, I’m sure there are plenty of girls paying you attention!”

“Yeah, there are, but no one is coming by the apartment looking for me.And if I saw someone that much, I’d mention her to you.But I don’t _want_ to see anyone.That’s the thing. And Covey, I’m telling you, this guy is into you.You want to be friends.I get it.He wants more.You just have to accept that.” 

He’s annoyed at her damn obliviousness.There’s a willfulness to it, like she’d rather not see reality because that would be harder to deal with. 

“Peter, I don’t want us to have any negativity between us.You’re only here for a short visit, and I’ve been missing you so much and looking forward to seeing you.It’s been really hard,” she says in a small voice.

He pulls her close.“I know.I hate it.”

* * *

It’s a beautiful day, and they decide to take the tube and walk around Westminster Abbey and check out the sites around there.It’s Peter’s first time in London, and he’s enjoying it.He’s relishing the walkability, how you can get a beer just about anywhere, and the juxtaposition of the old and new.He’s impressed at how well Lara Jean gets around on the tube and how quickly she has acclimated. He loves watching her maneuver the crowds in her high-waisted jeans and cropped sweater, turning heads wherever she goes.

They head to Trafalgar Square and go to the National Gallery.Peter knows that Lara Jean could spend the whole day at the museum, but after an hour and a half, he’s getting impatient.“Come on, can we please get some lunch?I’m starving.”

They stop at a small Indian restaurant that uses a dumbwaiter to bring the food from the kitchen.Peter orders his curry spicy against Lara Jean’s warnings, and starts tearing almost immediately.Lara Jean can’t stop laughing.“Covey, you are so mean! ” He gasps, reaching for her water.

“God Peter, it’s the alpha male in you that would make you think that you could handle the spice!”She’s still giggling as he gulps down her water.“You know, water just makes it worse.Let me get you some of that yogurt sauce.Dairy is the best to cut the heat.”She reaches over the table and puts a spoonful of the raita in his mouth, and takes her fingers to wipe off a drop off his lips.She brushes his hair off his forehead with her other hand before she sits back down.

He smiles at her.“I wish this could be our everyday life.”

“Me, too.”

* * *

They are meeting some of Lara Jean’s university friends at a pub in Bloomsbury, and Liam and Emma are planning to come, too.

The pub is noisy and packed, and it takes them a while to find her friends at a table in the courtyard in the back and after introductions are made, Peter heads up to the bar to get drinks. As he’s heading back to the courtyard, he spots Colin standing close to Lara Jean.He takes a deep breath and goes to the table.

“Hey Colin.” He forces a smile and puts an arm around Lara Jean’s waist.

“Hello, Peter.”

He turns to Lara Jean and says, “I got you a glass of the rose.I hope that’s okay.”

“It’s perfect,” she smiles, pressing into his side.“Thanks.”

She starts talking to her friends about the exhibit at the museum, and Liam comes over to Peter.

“Looks like the fuckwit is back again,” Liam says.

Peter laughs.“I think that’s my new favorite word.I had to google “cut your lunch” last night.” 

Liam grins and pats Peter’s back.“It’s my goal to have LJ call someone a fuckwit before she leaves London.”

“I’d love to see that happen.” He finishes his beer and turns to Lara Jean.“Do you want anything?I’m going to get another beer.”

“No, I’m good.”She smiles up at him, and he pulls her into him, touching a the bare patch of skin under her sweater rubbing a little. “Let’s get out of here soon, okay?” He says in her ear and she nods a little and touches his cheek.

He goes to the bar with Liam.When they get their beers, they head back, and he sees Colin standing close to Lara Jean again.As they get closer, he notices that he is brushing her hair off of her face, and she’s pulling back and turning her face. _What the fuck is this guy doing?_

He walks faster.

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Peter stands in front of Lara Jean.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me asshole.Get the fuck away from her.”

“Should I be frightened?” Colin smirks.

“Shut up, Colin.Don’t start any trouble,” Liam warns.

Peter feels Lara Jean tugging on his arm.“Hey Peter, let’s just go.” 

He steps closer to Colin and gets so close to his face that they’re almost touching noses. “Stay the fuck away from her.I don’t want to see you put your hand on her again.”

Liam pulls him back.“Walk away, Peter.”

His fists are clenched and he leaves the pub with Lara Jean.When they get outside, they walk silently to the tube.

Before they walk down the steps, he turns to her.“Stop for a second.What are you doing, Lara Jean?Don’t tell me you can’t tell that he’s into you.Why are you letting him get that close to you?I don’t understand what you’re doing.Do you like the attention?Is that what it is?Because I’m trying to keep cool and just be here with you, but this is fucked up.”

She looks at him, tears welling up in her eyes.“I’m sorry, Peter.You’re right.”

“You need to think about what you want.You know how much I love you.You can’t act all innocent and pretend that you aren’t a passive participant that's enabling this situation.I don’t want to have to get all pissed at some asshole because he’s touching you, okay?You need to get it together.Don’t embarrass me.You know how to act.I don’t have to tell you.”

She’s crying now.He hates this so much.

“This is bullshit.I’m pissed because of your behavior and now I feel shitty because you’re crying?If you knew how bad I feel when I see you upset…” He sighs and puts his arm around her shoulder.“Come on, don’t cry,” he says in a softer voice.

“I know, I know.I’m sorry.I only see him as a friend, but you’re right.I probably just liked someone around and helping me, but I didn’t realize it at the time.I’m sorry.”She holds onto his arm tightly.“I’m sorry, Peter, okay?”She’s insistent.

He sighs.“Okay.”


	14. Won't you please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s okay. I just want things to be good. I don’t want to leave like this,” he says, stroking her hair and holding her close. “Christmas is only a couple months away. We’ll get better at it.” He’s trying to believe the words as they come out of his mouth. She kisses him hard, pushing her tongue into his mouth, her face still wet. She’s intense and frantic, and he knows she’s trying to make things right with him. And as much as he knows this and thinks it might be better to slow down and talk things out, he can’t help how his body reacts to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment. I love hearing your thoughts.
> 
> _____________________
> 
> Chapter title from She's a Jar by Wilco.

Peter’s leaving in the morning tomorrow, and he’s in Lara Jean’s room packing.He hates leaving her, especially because things aren’t great between them.It feels fractured ever since he had the confrontation with Colin.She’s been carefully attentive to him and won’t leave his side for more than a few minutes, and it’s not that he minds this, but he knows that it’s insecurity about their relationship that is driving her behavior.Their interactions are stilted and unnatural, and he wants so badly for things to be good again.

As he’s putting things into his bag, he finds the book he brought for her.

“Lara Jean, here.I forgot to give this to you,” he smiles, handing her the book.

“What is it?” She unwraps the craft paper and bubble wrap the book dealer had packed it in.After she opens it, she sits on the floor and cries.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”He pulls her up to where he’s sitting on the bed and hugs her.

“You gave me something so meaningful and precious the last time I did something really stupid, and I’m so sorry,” she cries, fingering the locket on her chest. “Peter, I love you so much.I’m sorry,” she sobs into his chest.

“It’s okay.I just want things to be good.I don’t want to leave like this,” he says, stroking her hair and holding her close.“Christmas is only a couple months away.We’ll get better at it.”He’s trying to believe the words as they come out of his mouth.She kisses him hard, pushing her tongue into his mouth, her face still wet.She’s intense and frantic, and he knows she’s trying to make things right with him.And as much as he knows this and thinks it might be better to slow down and talk things out, he can’t help how his body reacts to her.

She pulls his pants and boxer briefs down, and kneels in front of him.

“Covey-”

“No, I want to…” And then she swipes her tongue on his tip and then moves down and sucks and licks him until he can’t focus on anything except how good it feels.“Fuck, Lara Jean,” he gasps as he leans back. He groans and shudders, keeping his hand wrapped up in her hair.When he comes, it’s hard and drawn out, and afterwards he realizes that this has intensified that sadness that’s been lurking in the pit of his stomach. He pulls her up to him and kisses her all over, wanting to taste every part of her, needing her so much.She’s gasping and pulling him even closer and as he reaches her mouth he can taste the tears that are still falling. 

“Peter, I feel so lost without you,” she whispers.

* * *

“Hey buddy!How was your trip?” Matt says from the sofa as Peter walks into the apartment.

“It was good.”

“Yeah?How’s LJ?”

“She’s good.”

Matt raises his eyebrows.“Everything okay?”

“Some guy was creeping on her and she was being oblivious about it.We kind of had it out.”

“Aren’t you used to guys creeping on her and her being oblivious?”

“In a way, yeah. But she let this guy go too far.And he was an asshole to me.”

“She’s used to you taking care of her.And before you her ex probably was.You even took care of her when she was getting over him.She’s used to someone taking care of shit for her, and there are a lot of guys who are happy to do it.”

Peter sighs.He doesn’t want to think about it anymore.“Where’s Claire?”

“She’s coming over later.Why?”

“I need to ask her about my clothes.”

‘What?”

“That fucker was giving me shit about my clothes.”

Matt laughs.“Dude, you know as well as I do that fashion is not your strength.”

“Fuck you.You look as dumb as I do.”

* * *

Peter smiles when he sees Lara Jean’s face on the screen.

“Hey Covey.”

“Hi.” She’s smiling.Her hair is pulled back and she looks like she’s ready for bed.

“Did you get some work done today?”

“Yeah, it’s been raining here all day.I just stayed at the house and read and took notes.How’s Orgo going?”

“It’s going.I feel like I’m 100 years old when I’m in that class.Like I’m the grandfather of the of all the undergrads.”

Peter grins when he hears her laugh.

“You’d be a hot grandpa, Peter.The one all the grandmas swoon over.”

“Yeah, that’s my dream.…You’ll be hot, too, but you better start taking your calcium supplements because think of how tiny you’ll be if you shrink. You’ll be the same height as your grandkids when they start kindergarten.”

“Shut up!”She’s laughing again.

“What was that book you made me read about that tiny boy?A Prayer for Owen Meany?You should be Owen Meany for Halloween this year.”

“Oh, ok, Peter.I guess you should be Hester then.You know the girl who’s a sexual deviant.Her band was called ‘Hester the Molester.’ You should do that look for your costume.”

They both are laughing hard.

“God I miss you, Covey.”He feels a pang in his gut.

“I miss you, too.”She smiles at him and then yawns.

“Go to sleep.I’ll stay on until you fall asleep.”

“I love you Peter.”

“I love you too.” 

Peter picks up his textbook and starts reading, keeping his phone propped up.

* * *

Peter:Sorry, Covey.Can we push FT one hour later?I have to get through this section before tomorrow.  
Covey: I’ll be in bed already. I have to wake up early to go to yoga and then the library. Talk tomorrow?   
Peter: Sounds good.I love you.   
Covey: Love you too

Peter sighs and tosses his phone onto the table.It’s been a bad couple of weeks of staying in touch, and he’s getting frustrated.Peter is studying nonstop to prepare for finals, and Lara Jean has been trying to get a draft written.Their conversations have been rushed and perfunctory.Both of them don’t have much going on except their work, but they aren’t connecting, and Peter feels unsettled.

When he wakes up in the morning, there’s a missed FaceTime from Lara Jean and a text on his phone.He opens the text, and a picture of her in her yoga clothes, smiling at him, fresh faced and beautiful stares up at him.

Covey: Good morning.I’m thinking about you.I love you.   
Peter: I love you, too.I wish I could squeeze you.Let’s talk at our usual time.

He realizes that he needs to recommit to making their calls a priority.That’s all they have, and he feels guilty about all the times he has rescheduled or cut a call short in the past weeks.

He rushes home from his study session to make their FaceTime date and when he calls, it goes unanswered.

* * *

It’s Thanksgiving weekend, and Peter’s mom asked him to pick up some stuff at the store.

As he looks for parsley, he hears someone call his name.

“Peter?”It’s Kitty.

Peter gives her a wide grin and tousles her hair.“Hey, girl!What’s going on?”

“Ugh you know… My dad is trying to create some kind of Korean fusion Thanksgiving.” She grimaces, and Peter laughs.“I never realized that I actually like Korean food until I moved out.”

“Yeah, well, you should go out to see Lara Jean in London before she comes back.The food there was incredible.”

“I’m hoping to go soon.Isn’t it amazing that she got offered that position?”

Peter has no idea what she’s talking about, but doesn’t want to make Kitty feel bad.“Yeah.”

“I can’t believe she’s not taking it.”

“Uh me, too.Hey Kitty, I have to go and get this stuff to my mom.I’ll text you later.Let’s grab pizza while I’m home.”

“Cool.Say hi to your mom and Owen.”She flashes him a peace sign and he has to smile at her in spite of the sinking feeling in his stomach.


	15. She begs me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He pulls over and rushes out and picks her up and smells her and holds her close.
> 
> He’s choked up. He can’t talk.
> 
> She smiles up at him and cups his face. “I can’t believe I’m touching you.”
> 
> He nods, and presses his lips to her forehead. He takes a deep breath. “Here, let’s get you into the car.” He opens the door for her and puts the bags in the trunk. He heads back to close her door, and he realizes that she knew he’d come back to do it, that she was waiting for him, and the ache in his chest gets more pronounced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you readers! I love your comments. Please let me know your thoughts!  
> ________________________
> 
> Chapter title from She's a Jar by Wilco
> 
> _________________________
> 
> chapter 15 wasn’t posted correctly originally. I inadvertently posted chapter 14 twice. Sorry for the mistake.

It’s 4:55, and Peter’s alarm goes off, signaling that it’s time to FaceTime.At 5:00 exactly, he calls.

“Hey there.”

“Hi.”She’s smiling widely at him, dimples out.

“Why so happy?”

“I’m just happy to see you.”Her voice hitches a little.

“I saw Kitty at the grocery store.”

“Oh you did?She’s actually grocery shopping?That’s hilarious.”

“Lara Jean, she told me you were offered some position?”

Her eyes widen.“Oh, it’s nothing. A professor here offered me a short-term research position.Not a big deal.”

“It’s not?Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I don’t want it.”

“What is it?”

“It’s just helping get research together for her publication.”

“What kind of research?”

“Basically the same stuff I’m doing now… Art and women writers.”

“Same time period?”

“Yes.Peter I’m not doing it.I hate being this far away from you.”

His heart sinks.He’s holding her back.

“Covey, I hate it, too, but this sounds like something that would be great for you.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.Who’s picking me up from the airport?”

He sighs.

* * *

Peter’s on his way to to pick Lara Jean from the airport.He hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her job offer. He’s always been so invested in the long game with her and now he realizes he might have lost sight of what’s happening in the present.He’s so sure she’s the right person for him, and he knows he can’t love anyone else the same way. And as much as he loves being needed by her,he’s realizing now that their relationship is preventing her from moving forward.

She’s outside of baggage claim already with her bags.She’s in jeans and a coat with a fur-trimmed collar.Her hair is loose and flowing and he can see her face break into a huge grin when she spots him.He tries to commit this image to memory.His heart is aching.

He pulls over and rushes out and picks her up and smells her and holds her close.

He’s choked up.He can’t talk.

She smiles up at him and cups his face.“I can’t believe I’m touching you.”

He nods, and presses his lips to her forehead.He takes a deep breath and takes her bag.“Here, let’s get you into the car.”He opens the door for her and puts the suitcases in the trunk.He heads back to close her door, and he realizes that she knew he’d come back to do it, that she was waiting for him, and the ache in his chest gets more pronounced.

* * *

After dinner with her family, he sits outside with her on the front porch.

“Have you made up your mind about what you want to do when you come back home?”She has been debating between applying for an MFA program in creative writing or trying to pursue her doctorate.

“I think I’m going to take some time to figure it out.You’ll know where you’ll be in med school by then.”

“If you took this position, wouldn’t that make your application even better?”

“Peter! I’m not doing it.I’m counting the days until I can be with you again.I can’t do it.”

“What if I visit more?” 

“I just can’t.It’s a struggle to get through the day.”

She looks so anxious and helpless that he drops the conversation. He sees it so clearly now.She is so used to being cared for that she thinks she can’t function without it.That’s why she so easily accepted Colin and even himself in the beginning of their relationship.And now that he’s not around, and that she realizes that she shouldn’t accept that type of attention from others, she thinks she’s unable to cope.

* * *

Peter: Want to watch the sunset tonight?  
Covey: It’s too cold.   
Peter: Please?I’ll bring blankets and something hot to drink.We’ll go to the park.  
Covey: Okay.   
Peter: I’ll come get you in 15

They settle on a blanket and are looking out at the changing colors of the sky.

“This is nice,” she says softly, looking at him.

He pulls her close, her back is against him.He can’t get the words out again.

They’re silent for a while, and then he hears her sniffle. She turns to face him and puts the side of her face against his chest.

“Peter, I know what you’re doing,” her voice is muffled.

“I can’t be the reason,” he can barely talk.“I love you too much.”

“I can’t not be with you,” she sobbing. 

“Lara Jean, you can do anything.Look at you.You deserve everything.”He has to look away. 

“Please Peter.I can’t do this.”

“You can, you can.I promise.” His eyes are red, and he’s trying to swallow a huge lump in his throat.“I’ll always love you.”He doesn’t recognize his voice.

“Please don’t do this.Please, please Peter,” she keeps saying, grasping onto him.He keeps holding her tight.He can’t look at her.


	16. Turn my eyes red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter feels like he is floating. Nothing is grounding him. He feels separate from his body, and although he can function, his mind is blank. He has never felt so sad or rudderless or detached. He and Lara Jean still exchange texts from time to time, but other than that, they haven’t been in contact.

Peter feels like he is floating.Nothing is grounding him.He feels separate from his body, and although he can function, his mind is blank.He has never felt so sad or rudderless or detached.He and Lara Jean still exchange texts from time to time, but other than that, they haven’t been in contact. He’s itching to see her and hear her voice, but he wants to give her space. 

He has been throwing himself into his studies.He was near the top of his classes last semester.This semester he’s only taking one class, and he’s spending most of his time studying for the MCAT.

“I’m going on a run,” he calls out to Matt.He has been running and working out compulsively.It’s been helping him stay sane.

“Wait a sec.I’ll come with you.”

“Do you think you can keep up?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

They run around the empty track.It’s so cold that both of them are wearing hats and gloves, and their noses are red. 

“Dude,what has Claire been feeding you?You’re getting slower and slower.”

“Fuck you.I don’t have angst speeding up my metabolism.”

Peter stays quiet.

Matt glances over at him.“You know, you guys will figure it out.This is temporary.”

“She’s forgetting what a badass she is.I helped her forget by letting her depend on me too much.I helped create that situation.I had to end it so she could figure out what she wants for herself.”

“That’s deep, Kavinsky.”

Peter laughs.“You’re such a shit.”

“You guys were co-dependent.I think being apart was too much given the nature of your relationship. You were living together _before_ you started dating!You’ll figure it out, though.And when you do, you’ll have to remember who helped you get together from day one.”

He snorts. “Uh, you were creeping on her on day one, asshole.”

“Yeah, but after I saw that you were psycho obsessed with her, I motivated your ass to not be a little chicken shit.”

“Fuck you.”And he smirks as he picks up the pace, making Matt scramble to keep up with him.

* * *

He’s taking the MCAT this week, and although he is a little nervous, he’s relieved that it will be over soon.When he gets home from his morning run, he sees a package for him on the kitchen table.It’s from Lara Jean. 

He opens it up and finds beer koozies that look like prescription bottles, chocolates in the shape of anatomy, pens that look like spines, frosted cookies that spell “PETER”, and a card with a print of an anatomical heart.He opens the card and it says, “Good luck, Peter!”Lara Jean.He smiles. She remembered.

On the day of the test, he makes sure to wear the watch she gave him.When he takes it out of its box, he runs his finger over the engraving, and the ache is sharp in his chest again. 

The exam is difficult and it takes all day, but when he’s done, he can’t bring himself to care about the results.He feels completely empty when it’s over and heads straight home.

When he gets back to his room, he sits on the bed, not noticing the dampness on his cheeks.

* * *

Peter: Thanks for my package.   
Covey: You’re welcome. How did it go?   
Peter: It went.I have to wait a month to know.   
Covey: You ok?   
Peter: Yeah.How are you?   
Covey:Ok.

Peter: …..

He doesn’t know how much longer he can do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you don't hate me.  
> ________________________________
> 
> Chapter title is from She's a Jar by Wilco.  
> ________________________________
> 
> Please continue to comment! You all have some astute observations. I'm impressed.


	17. Light a fuse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why does every other girl seem so boring? And just less? Less interesting, less funny, less beautiful, less sexy, less sweet, less smart..… He remembers watching Lara Jean so closely, always taking in what she was wearing, how she styled her hair, and studying her face. She had so many different smiles and her eyes always betrayed her thoughts. Will he ever want to know anyone like that again? And will he ever want anyone else to know him in the same way? It doesn’t seem possible. He doesn’t want it to be possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much readers for continuing to follow this story and give me feedback. Your comments are amazing. Thank you!!  
> ___________________________
> 
> Chapter title from She's a Jar by Wilco.

Peter has gotten the MCAT results back, and it’s obvious that his hard work has paid off.He completes his applications and releases his scores. He’ll start receiving interview requests sometime in the summer and into the fall. He thinks he’s pretty competitive.His pre-Lara Jean grades weren’t the best, but he earned almost all A’s in his med school prerequisites, and he knows they will consider his collegiate athlete status when reviewing his transcript.

He hasn’t had anything that resembles a social life.Other than Matt and Claire, he hasn’t been seeing anyone at all.He hasn’t been on social media since December.Lara Jean and he still text, but the conversations are short and surface level.He has to restrain himself from being more open and giving.He is dying to know how she is doing. 

Now that the MCAT is over and his class is winding down, he has a lot more free time and less distractions from thinking about Lara Jean and their relationship.He thought time would dull the ache, but now that he has this open schedule, the void is more palpable.

“Want to grab some dinner?” Matt asks.

“Not really.”

“Come on, you have to eat.”

“I can’t deal with people.”

“God, you’re becoming a recluse.I feel like I’m living with Quasimodo.”

“You know what?You make too many literary references.Don’t be so pretentious!”

“Maybe you should read a fucking book once in a while.”

“I read all of Little Women last time you shamed me, asshole.”

“Did you like it?”

“Yeah, but Laurie was kind of dick, right?Going through sisters like that?”

Matt laughs.“Come on, we can talk about it over dinner.My treat.”

* * *

Peter is drinking coffee and reading news on his phone at the coffee bar close to the gym, and he hears someone calling his name.

“Peter?”A cute blonde approaches his table.When she gets closer, he recognizes that it’s Cait, one of the girls that lived across the street from his old house.

“Hey Cait.How are you?”He smiles.

“Good.I ran into Matt the other day and he said you were still around.”

“Yeah, I’m finishing up a post-bac.”

“That’s cool.He said he moved into your apartment.”

He knows where this is leading.“Uh, yeah.”

She smiles.“We should hang out.Is your number the same?”

Why does every other girl seem so boring?And just less?Less interesting, less funny, less beautiful, less sexy, less sweet, less smart..…He remembers watching Lara Jean so closely, always taking in what she was wearing, how she styled her hair, and studying her face.She had so many different smiles and her eyes always betrayed her thoughts.Will he ever want to know anyone like that again?And will he ever want anyone else to know him in the same way? It doesn’t seem possible.He doesn’t want it to be possible.

“Yeah.”He looks down at his cup of coffee.

“Ok, I’ll text you.See you around.” She smiles and touches his arm before walking away.

God, has Lara Jean found someone else?He knows Matt is right - there are plenty of guys who would be happy to take his place.Is she so sad and needy that she’ll let someone step into his place?After all, wasn’t that the purpose he served for her after John?The thought makes him feel sick.

His phone buzzes. 

This is Cait. Call me.

He swipes delete.

* * *

He knows it’s not the best idea, but he decides to take a look at Lara Jean’s Instagram.His pulse quickens at the thought of seeing a picture of her with a guy, but he has a forceful urge to find out if she’s moving on.He’s relieved to see that the posts are full of art, places, nature, and food.He grins at one of Kitty posing in front of the Feminist Library.

He looks more closely at the recent posts.

The most recent is a picture of a stack of books and papers on a table in the Donaldson Reading Room at the UCL library.He selects it and reads the caption: “Here we go.” 

Kitty comments “Go LJ” 💪🙌   
Margot comments “You’re a rock star! 🤩👩‍🎤

He grins.She took the job.

There’s a picture of the facade of Indian restaurant near Trafalgar Square. _Did she go back there?_ No caption.

He scrolls further.

Water fountain.

The Sherlock Holmes Museum.

Movie poster of When Harry Met Sally.

Patron label.

Scrunchie.

A hot toddy.

No captions, no hashtags.

He stops looking and texts Kitty: what’s Lara Jean doing for her birthday?


	18. Climb aboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As he sits on the front steps and waits, he starts second guessing himself. Should he have booked a hotel? What if she’s seeing someone? What if she’s not happy to see him? He came on a whim because he missed her so much and when he saw her Instagram posts, he felt that it was a sign that she was ready to see him. He jumped at the opportunity. But he could have read everything wrong. Does she even want him? And if she doesn’t, what would it change for him? Nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting two chapters today because I know how anxious some of you were for LJ’s POV. Hope you enjoy!  
> ________________________
> 
> Thanks for reading and commenting. I love hearing your thoughts!
> 
> ________________________
> 
> Chapter title from She's a Jar by Wilco.

Peter starts searching the internet for cheap flights.Spring break coincides with Lara Jean’s birthday, and as long as she’s good, he can’t bear the thought of missing her first birthday in London.He knows she’s working hard and she’s going to kill it now.He can’t wait to see her in action.He already feels lighter. 

He finds a flight and books it quickly, brushing away any doubt he has that she might not want to see him.

“What’s with you?You’re not mopey,” Matt says.

“I’m going to see Lara Jean for her birthday.I just booked a flight.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, she took the job.”Peter grins.

“Wow, good for her.Dude, I’ve been worried about you.I was considering micro-dosing your protein shake with CBD oils.”

Peter laughs.“That’s fucked up, Matt.”

“Claire’s been talking to her acupuncturist about you.She said the first treatment would be complimentary if you’re interested.”

“You guys are the bougie-est couple.I swear…what’s next?Are you going to recommend a life coach and cupping?”

“Fuck off.You don’t think you’re bougie with your stupid green juices and kombucha?”

“Hey, that’s for my digestive health!”

“What about your pour-over Blue Bottle coffee and your craft beer obsession?”

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Stop analyzing my beverages.”

* * *

He tries not to over think the trip.There is no definite plan other than to see her.He doesn’t know where he’s going to go to med school, and she’s in London for the next however many months.But he loves her and he is aching to see her and she seems ready. 

He has to find the perfect birthday gift for her.He goes to his mom’s shop and browses Etsy.He can’t show up empty handed.

* * *

When he gets out of the cab, he knocks on the door.No answer. 

As he sits on the front steps and waits, he starts second guessing himself.Should he have booked a hotel?What if she’s seeing someone?What if she’s not happy to see him?He came on a whim because he missed her so much and when he saw her Instagram posts, he felt that it was a sign that she was ready to see him.He jumped at the opportunity.But he could have read everything wrong.Does she even want him?And if she doesn’t, what would it change for him? _Nothing._

He looks up, and he sees her walking towards him, eyes surprised, eyebrows raised. Her hair is is wavy and loose and she’s wearing leggings with a top that cuts shorter in the front than in back, showing off her tiny waist and has a crossbody bag slung casually over one shoulder.Her boots are clunky and distressed, but they contrast so much with her small frame and delicate features that they just bring out her undeniable femininity.He has to catch his breath before he speaks.He stands.

“Hey Covey.”


	19. Hey, it's Romeo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lara Jean can’t believe he’s sitting on the steps, hair crazy and scruff on his handsome face. He looks so big, even against the tall black doors of the house, with his broad shoulders filling up the space between the two columns of the portico and his long legs draped over the steps. He’s staring at her so intensely, and she feels overwhelmed by the moment and all of a sudden very uncertain. All of the things she’s been wanting to tell him escape her, and she feels mute and vacant. It’s hard to meet his gaze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who wants LJ POV?  
> _________________
> 
> Thank you thank you thank you to all the amazing readers! Your comments and kudos make me so happy!  
> __________________
> 
> Title of chapter is from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.

Lara Jean can’t believe he’s sitting on the steps, hair crazy and scruff on his handsome face.He looks so big, even against the tall black doors of the house, with his broad shoulders filling up the space between the two columns of the portico and his long legs draped over the steps. He’s staring at her so intensely, and she feels overwhelmed by the moment and all of a sudden very uncertain. All of the things she’s been wanting to tell him escape her, and she feels mute and vacant. It’s hard to meet his gaze.

“Happy Birthday.” Her hopes sink when he doesn’t reach out to her.

“Thanks….” She stays standing away from him, arms by her sides. She still can’t meet his eyeline and fixates on a point on the ground by his shoes.

What is she doing? She’s been longing for this moment. She draws a breath and finally looks at him. “I took the job,” she says in a small voice.

“I know. Congratulations.” She notices his adams apple bob and she digs her fingernails into her palms to restrain herself from touching him.

“Thanks.” She’s bracing herself to not burst into tears.

They’re staring at each other. 

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. 

“For what?”

“For everything. I know how hard it was for you.”

She’s tearing up and can’t find her voice.

“It was hard for me, too.”

“I know.” Her voice is barely audible and it’s a struggle to get the words out, but she needs him to know. “I know you love me, Peter.”

“I do. More than anything.” His eyes are red and he takes a step closer. Finally.

“I love you too. More than anything.” She lets out the breath that she had been holding. “I knew you’d come find me.”

He cups her cheek with his hand, and she feels the tension in her shoulders start to melt away. She grabs onto his hand, keeping it on her face.

“Yeah,” his voice is shaky.“I guess I was waiting.”

“For what?I’ve been waiting for you this whole time.”Her voice breaks.The tears that have been pooling in her eyes spill over, opening the floodgates.

“For us to be ready, I guess.” He wipes the tears away with his thumbs. 

She nods, not able to trust her voice.

He pulls her close and she feels a huge wave of relief pass over her when her body presses into his.She sighs and holds onto him tight.

* * *

After they put his bag inside, they go for a walk to Holland Park. 

They are holding hands, but they are quiet and tentative with each other. 

Suddenly Lara Jean feels the need to tell him everything.She turns to him and says, her voice quavering, “You know, I didn’t take the position because you left me.”

“I know that.And hey, I didn’t really leave you.Please don’t say that.” 

“I took it because I wanted it.”

He smiles.“Good.Look, I didn’t do this because I thought that for sure you needed to take that job.I just thought we were going down a bad road.You weren’t even considering it because you didn’t want to be apart.And I felt responsible for that.Like, you were going wait to see where I got into med school to make a decision for yourself?That’s crazy. You’re the badass here.”

Is he for real?She snorts.“Give me a break.You know, I’ve done a lot of thinking about us, and you know what I realized?You put me on a pedestal Peter.Maybe I got addicted to you seeing me this way.” 

“Come on, it’s just reality!You’ve always killed it in school.You got a fucking Fulbright!You applied for it when we were together.And now you need to wait for me to make a decision for your education or career?That’s not you.I felt like you were moving away from who you really are, and it killed me that I had a hand in it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“I don’t know.Because I’m a dumb ass.”She tries stop the smile that starts to tug at the corners of her mouth.“I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.I still don’t.I just felt like you needed to figure out what you really wanted to do, and I thought I was kind of preventing you from doing that. Also the whole Colin thing got me worried.” 

Is he really bringing Colin up now? She’s indignant.Her voice comes back in a hurry. “I never-”

“No, not because I thought you wanted to be with him, but just because it seemed like you’re so used to someone taking care of things that you forgot that you don’t really need that.”

“I just need you, Peter. I was having a hard time without _you._ Besides, I thought you liked taking care of me.”

“Covey, you know I do.I love you needing me and I want to make you happy any way I can.I always want to do everything for you.That’s what I’m addicted to.From the time we lived together, that’s all I wanted to do.But I don’t want that to affect your ability to accomplish your goals.It was hard for me to see you go through it,” his voice breaks.“Lara Jean, there’s shit I have to figure out, too, why I’m like this.But I know you’re the only person for me.I want to do it right.”

While he’s talking, Lara Jean has a sudden epiphany.Even when breaking up with her, he was still taking care of her.Making sure she was making choices that she wanted, helping her grow, steadfast in his devotion to her.And that realization makes her heart swell.She stops walking and looks up at him.

“There are so many unknowns right now, but I know I want to be with you, Peter, whether we’re in the same city or not.”

“Me, too.” He smiles at her and draws her close, placing his hands on her lower back, making her to feel a tingle up her spine.“And I’ll come out again for a long time this summer while waiting for interviews.”

“And when my job is over here, I’ll come back and start applying to programs.”

“Covey, this is going to work.We have to keep talking.” 

She looks over at him seeing the tiredness pulling at the corners of his eyes.He must be exhausted from the red-eye.“What do you want to do now?”

He gives her that sexy smile and leans down close to her ear, sliding his hands even lower and says in a gruff voice, “Finish our walk and then go back and fuck your brains out?”

She can’t even pretend to be offended as a familiar thrill moves through her body.

* * *

Lara jean is touched. For her birthday, they are going to a play at Shakespeare’s Globe and eating dinner at Swan, the restaurant there. She knows he’s trying hard to make it memorable on a limited budget, so she makes a big fuss when he tells her the plans. A wide smile breaks out onto his face, showing her how proud he is of himself. He needs this reassurance from time to time, and she loves giving it to him. 

On their way back, they walk along Southwark Bridge.There is ambient noise from the water, cars, and other pedestrians, but it is still quiet.The sun has set but it’s not yet completely dark, a few clouds are still visible in the dark blue sky.Lara Jean glances at Peter, his messy curls on his forehead, his beautiful eyes open and happy and focused on her, his full lips curved into a closed mouth smile.She presses into his side as close as she can.

She finally feels sated. 

“You look like a painting right now,” he says.

She smiles at him.“Remember what I said about putting me on a pedestal?”

“It’s just fact.”

“Okay, Peter.”She laughs.

“Oh, wait, I forgot to give you your present at dinner.”

“Peter, this night should be my present, not to mention you coming to London!”She can’t believe him.

“It’s not anything big.”He looks embarrassed.

He pulls out a small glassine envelope from his wallet.Lara Jean takes it opens it.It’s a tiny circle of card stock, with print so small it’s almost illegible. She squints and reads it, ‘Simple Happiness’ in a boldface type. “What is this?”

He pulls out a folded piece of paper and hands it to her.“It’s this poem - well this is an excerpt of the poem.This is exactly how I see you and how you make me feel. The title is on that little circle for your locket.It’s thin enough that you can fit it behind the picture.”

She reads it and her eyes are wet again.

**_"Lines Depicting Simple Happiness" by Peter Gizzi_ **  
_The shine on her buckle took precedence in sun_  
_Her shine, I should say, could take me anywhere_  
_It feels right to be up this close in tight wind_  
_It feels right to notice all the shiny things about you_  
_About you there is nothing I wouldn’t want to know_  
_With you nothing is simple yet nothing is simpler_  
_About you many good things come into relation_  
_I think of proofs and grammar, vowel sounds, like_  
_A is for knee socks, E for panties_  
_I is for buttondown, O the blouse you wear_  
_U is for hair clip, and Y your tight skirt_  
_The music picks up again, I am the man I hope to be_

And he does it again, hitting her core.She loves this boy, or this man - part puppy, part sexy Adonis - who loves so deeply and freely and selflessly. 

“I love it.Thank you.” She tip toes to kiss him gently on the lips and run her fingers through his hair.

“Let’s put it in.”

“No way. Not here.What if it falls out or blows away?Let’s do it back at the house,” she says, as she tucks the envelope safely into her wallet and slides it into her purse.

* * *

She’s sitting in the library and pulls out her phone, wanting to scroll through pictures of their time together.

She smiles at a selfie of them on the Southwark Bridge, Peter grinning so wide and half looking at her and half looking at the camera.He looks so handsome and happy, his eyes looking more gold than brown from the flash of the camera, and her heart feels so full from the memory of the moment.She posts the picture to Instagram and puts down her phone.She has work to do.

A few minutes later, her phone starts buzzing and she glances at it. A flurry of instagram notifications.She opens the app and starts smiling, tears filling her eyes yet again.

Southwark selfie: _simple happiness  
_  
Indian restaurant: _everyday life  
_

Water fountain: _definitely real  
_

Sherlock Holmes Museum: _where’s my watson_

Movie poster: _covey girl movie nights  
_

Patron label: 😱

Scrunchie: _house rules  
_

Hot toddy: _stargazing_


	20. Juliet, here's the place for us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are boxes piled up in their tiny rent-controlled apartment on the Upper West Side. Peter just made his tenth trip up to their fourth-story walk-up, and his forehead is glistening with sweat. Lara Jean is busy unpacking the boxes in the kitchen, her hair pulled into a ponytail. The window air conditioning unit buzzes loudly, there is no dishwasher, one of the burners on the old stove doesn’t work, and their downstairs neighbor is a surly elderly man who is openly hostile to Peter. And yet…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! Thank you so much for reading and continuing to comment. I'd love to hear any thoughts you have about this fic. Thank you so much for escaping into this story with me.   
> ____________________ 
> 
> Please read my notes at the end for more information. Thank you!

_**2 years later** _

There are boxes piled up in their tiny rent-controlled apartment on the Upper West Side.Peter just made his tenth trip up to their fourth-story walk-up, and his forehead is glistening with sweat.Lara Jean is busy unpacking the boxes in the kitchen, her hair pulled into a ponytail.The window air conditioning unit buzzes loudly, there is no dishwasher, one of the burners on the old stove doesn’t work, and their downstairs neighbor is a surly elderly man who is openly hostile to Peter.And yet… 

“I love it here,” she says, smiling at him.“I always wanted to live here after our senior trip.It’s crazy that we’re here now, finally living in the same place again.”

Peter walks over to her and tucks his chin over her shoulder, bringing his arms around her arms and across her torso.“And I love…” He murmurs, kissing her neck.She pulls his head closer, shivering a little when his soft lips trail up to her ear.She loves the feeling of his body pressed against hers.She’ll never tire of how openly he wants her and how in tune he is with her body and her thoughts.Even though he’s behind her, she knows that he’s gauging her readiness, and closely reading her sounds and movements.She grips the counter as his hands caress her under her shirt and then move pull off her shorts. She sighs and lets herself lean into it.

Afterwards, he sits on the floor and pulls her into his lap.He looks around and has to smile.“Covey, this place is a piece of shit.”She laughs and turns to look at him.“Stop.It’s charming.I love it so much that I was thinking about writing about it in my next story.” 

_Who is he kidding?_ Making her laugh, hearing her talk, watching her smile, looking into her eyes, smelling her hair, touching her skin, and getting lost in pure filth with her, day after day _._ He holds her tighter. “Yeah, this is the place for us.”

* * *

Everyone is packed into their tiny apartment. 

Lara Jean has made all sorts of graduation-themed appetizers, including a cake frosted and shaped to look like a mortarboard and little wrapped sandwich “diplomas” tied with ribbon.She set up a makeshift bar in their minuscule kitchen.She’s wearing a teal silk jumpsuit he’s never seen before and her hair is up, some loose strands framing her face.Her lips are red, sandals are high, back is bare, and she looks gorgeous.His eyes follow her even before she taps her glass with a cocktail spoon, her ring glinting in the light.

“Everyone, thanks so much for being here. I just wanted to make a quick toast before we start.”She’s giving her wide dimpled smile that makes his stomach flip.

“I think most of you know this… Peter and I went to school together since we were little.We were never close, but by a stroke of luck, we reconnected when we unexpectedly became roommates in college.When I met him again, he was studying-”.She pauses when Matt clears his throat loudly and coughs. _He’s such a shit._ And she chuckles and then goes on, “pre-law at the time, but he decided to pursue medicine shortly a little bit after we started dating.Everyone was surprised, because as you know, Peter loves to argue.” There are laughs around the room, and Peter shrugs his shoulders and grins, not taking his eyes off Lara Jean. “But I wasn’t, because, and everyone here knows the real Peter, he’s a true giver, a caregiver whose heart is as big as the ocean.It makes sense that he felt called to this profession.He has worked so hard and accomplished so much, all while continuing to give his best care to everyone around him. The world is lucky to have you as a doctor, Peter.Congratulations.”Her eyes are glistening and she raises her glass. _This girl_.He makes his way over and kisses her square on the mouth as their friends whoop and cat call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I finished the first ten chapters of this fic, I couldn't help but come back to it. I felt that their story was unfinished, and I wanted to leave no ambiguity about what happened with their relationship. This is AU, and I introduced new characters and settings, but I hope I conveyed what I feel is core to the LJ/PK relationship - a sweet romance full of chemistry, love, and humor.  
> _____________________
> 
> Thank you readers for your amazing comments and support! I don't know how many times I've been tempted to change what I've written because of you. Even when you are unhappy with where the story is headed, I love to hear your thoughts. Our conversations help me keep thinking and bring perspective to my writing. Thank you!!!  
> _____________________
> 
> Title of chapter is from Romeo & Juliet by Dire Straits.


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